Will Rogers Quotes from joe-ks.com
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Papers say: 'Congress is deadlocked and can't act.' I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country.

A hypocrite is a man who pays his taxes with a smile.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

Last year we said, "Things can't go on like this," and they didn't, they got worse.

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

There is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it, except they keep coming back.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

You can't say civilization don't advance... for every war they kill you a new way.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid.

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know.

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't need to advertise it.

One ad is worth more to a paper than forty editorials.

Live your life so that whenever you lose you are ahead.

History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes.

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Politics makes strange red-fellows.
(When Coolidge posed in Indian garb)

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business.

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

You can't say that civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that is education.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.

There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and family. But he can't make a living for them and his government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people.

There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.

The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President.
All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?"

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?

Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals.

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