Will Rogers Quotes from joe-ks.com
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People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower but they were here to meet the boat.

I might have gone to West Point but I was too proud to speak to a congressman.

In some states they no longer hang murderers. They kill them by elocution.

One third of the people in the United States promote while the other two thirds provide.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth... think of algebra.

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Papers say: 'Congress is deadlocked and can't act.' I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country.

A hypocrite is a man who pays his taxes with a smile.

A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.

Last year we said, "Things can't go on like this," and they didn't, they got worse.

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

There is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money.

There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it, except they keep coming back.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

You can't say civilization don't advance... for every war they kill you a new way.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid.

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know.

Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help get them back in bed again.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't need to advertise it.

One ad is worth more to a paper than forty editorials.

Live your life so that whenever you lose you are ahead.

History doesn't repeat itself, but it rhymes.

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

Politics makes strange red-fellows.
(When Coolidge posed in Indian garb)

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business.

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

You can't say that civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as I go by.
(also attributed to Sebastian Horsley)

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that is education.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.

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