Spike Milligan Quotes from joe-ks.com
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge.

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form.
(on seeking permissiont to celebrate his 80th birthday with a 12,000 foot skydive)

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

No, it's all in perfect working order.
(when asked if anything was worn under the kilt)

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.

My favourite quotation is eight pounds ten for a second-hand suit.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Money can't buy you friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I'm Irish. We think sideways.

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.

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