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The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart - that's why the dogs are so fast.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

How to stay young: hang around with older people.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

You know you've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.

Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'.

He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn’t got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Oscar night at my house is called Passover.

I don't like all this fresh air: I'm from Los Angeles; I don't trust any air I can't see.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glory of happiness.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

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