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Why Men are NOT allowed to write advice columns



Dear Joe:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband, Fred, in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.

When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Ms. Mary Carter
PS - here’s a picture of Fred at a San Antonio bar...

Why men should not write advice columns


Dear Mary:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Joe


QuotaBills
Romance is the icing, the love is the cake. - Unknown

I always advise people never to give advice. - P G Wodehouse

Generosity gives assistance, rather than advice. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

One can give advice comfortably from a safe port. - Johann Von Schiller

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. - Henry David Thoreau

Next time you give your clothes away, stay in them. - Henny Youngman

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. - Unknown

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

When advice is freely given, the receiver is free to use it as he or she sees fit. - Harvey Mackay

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it. - Agatha Christie

Content builds relationships. Relationships are built on trust. Trust drives revenue. - Andrew Davis

We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'. - P G Wodehouse

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. - Oscar Wilde

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

I'm not sure which is harder on a relationship: sharing a dresser for three years, or sharing an iPhone charger for one day. - Unknown

When Thales was asked what was difficult, he said, 'To know one's self.' And what was easy, 'To advise another.' - Laertius Diogenes

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive. - Yolanda Hadid


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21-Jan-2021