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Why Men are NOT allowed to write advice columns



Dear Joe:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband, Fred, in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.

When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Ms. Mary Carter
PS - here’s a picture of Fred at a San Antonio bar...

Why men should not write advice columns


Dear Mary:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Joe


QuotaBills
Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

I always advise people never to give advice. - P G Wodehouse

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. - Joan Rivers

Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. - Henry J Kaiser

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. - Henry David Thoreau

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original. - Alice Cooper

The two things children wear out are clothes and parents. - Unknown

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

Motivation is the fuel, necessary to keep the human engine running. - Zig Ziglar

There is nothing which we receive with so much reluctance as advice. - Joseph Addison

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too. - Unknown

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

My movies are usually about stripping off the makeup, getting down to the skeleton. - Michael Douglas

God made Adam first because he didn't want any advice from Eve how to make Adam. - Unknown

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. - Kin Hubbard

Fine clothes are good only as they supply the want of other means of procuring respect. - Samuel Johnson

We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

Mid-life crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about the same age. - William D Tammeus

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

When a man won't listen to his conscience, it's usually because he doesn't want advice from a total stranger. - Lindsey Stewart

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

There is a direct relationship between a person's grasp and experience of God's grace and his or her heart for justice. - Unknown

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

I'm not sure which is harder on a relationship: sharing a dresser for three years, or sharing an iPhone charger for one day. - Unknown

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable


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07-Mar-2021