A New York stockbroker had made millions of dollars for an Arabian oil sheik. The sheik was so pleased he offered him rubies, gold, and a silver-plated Rolls-Royce. He declined the gifts, telling the sheik that he had merely done his job. But the sheik insisted.
“Well,” the broker said, “I’ve recently taken up golf. A set of golf clubs would be a fine gift.”
Weeks went by. One morning the broker received a letter from him.
“So far I have bought you three golf clubs,” it said, “but I hope you will not be disappointed because only two of them have swimming pools.”
Golf is a good walk spoiled. - H.S. Scrivener
I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player
You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown
Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown
Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown
You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford
In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd
The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson
The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump
I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player
You drive for show but putt for dough. - Bobby Locke
Golf, like measles, should be caught young. - P G Wodehouse
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown
Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells
Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown
Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown
You realize just how bad a golfer you are when you play with Freddie. - Donald Trump
How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford
In golf as in life, it's the follow-through that makes the difference. - Unknown
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf. - H L Mencken
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. - Robert Lynd
The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
They say that life is a lot like golf - don't believe them. Golf is a lot more complicated. - Gardner Dickinson
The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff
Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell
Golf is like any other sports competition. There is not a whole lot of point to it unless someone suffers. - Kevin Wohl
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump
see also Financial & Golf Sections
Golf Like I Do
Men’s Golf Rules
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21-Sep-2021 |