Nursing Home Care

Hospital support for elderly patients


A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.

“How are you grandpa?” he asks.

“Feeling fine,” says the old man.

“What’s the food like?”

“Terrific, wonderful menus.”

“And the nursing?”

“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”

“Absolutely no problem! At 10 o’clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra and that’s it. I go out like a light. Nine hours solid, every night.”

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

“What are you people doing,” he says, “I am told that you are giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?”

“Oh, yes,” replies the nurse. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes him sleep like a baby, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.”


QuotaBills
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden

It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz

My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


see also   Aging,  Medical  &  Nurse  Sections
Better With Viagra
Cat Clinic
Coffee And Viagra
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
New Drugs For Men
Tiagra
Viagra Elephant
Viagra Overdose
Viagra Switch

 

Pair Produce

Potting Pot

Ice Cream Burqa

Dog Soother

Fourk

Women's Outhouse

Crocodile Floor

Hummer Carriage

Antler Switch Plate

Redneck Cotter Pin

Redneck Bulldozer

Your Fly Is Down

Chili Rub

Tire Rotation

Political Promise Hauler

Steering Wheel For Couples

Confined By Walls

Moon Descent

Redneck Selfie Stick

1957 Woolworth Menu
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

03-Jun-2020