Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first. - Chinese Proverb

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Making music should not be left to the professionals. - Michelle Shocked

What is best in music is not to be found in the notes. - Gustav Mahler

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

Modern music is three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated. - John Barbirolli

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Recording Company

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

If you want to lead the orchestra, you must turn your back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. - George Carlin

Tupac was one of the biggest thugs I know - and he always wore his seat belt. - Ice Cube

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

A university is an institution that has two thousand seats in the classrooms and eighty thousand in the stadium. - Unknown

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. - Oscar Wilde

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Great music is that which penetrates the ear with facility and leaves the memory with difficulty. Magical music never leaves the memory. - Thomas Beecham

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Hairstyle  Section
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Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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29-May-2020