Redneck Hands-Free Driving

Dead Ringer: A disconnected telephone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If the phone doesn't ring it's me. - Jimmy Buffett

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

Safety Belt: The one you don't drink before driving home - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity. - Clifford Stoll

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? - James Thurber

Have fun, be active. Ride a bike instead of driving, for example. - Dan Buettner

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. - Maxwell Maltz

My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood. - Salma Hayek

Quarterback: What you'll never get if you misdial from a pay phone - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Life is like looking for your phone. Most of the time it's in your hand. - Unknown

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. - David Letterman

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole. - Unknown

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went. - John Updike

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. - Goldie Hawn

E-mails are letters, after all, more lasting than phone calls, even if many of them r 2 cursory 4 u. - Anna Quindlen

Animals are like little children a bit. They're simple. They don't have politics driving them. - Annabelle Sabloff

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

The main Facebook usage is so big. About 20 percent of the time people spend on their phone is on Facebook. - Mark Zuckerberg

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? - George Carlin

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. - Ogden Nash

Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. - Ambrose Bierce

There is a blessed necessity by which the interest of men is always driving them to the right, and making all crime mean and ugly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

Eating a tuna roll at a sushi restaurant should be considered no more environmentally benign than driving a Hummer or harpooning a manatee. - Daniel Pauly

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? - Stephen Levine

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. - Unknown