Lady’s Yearly Exam
Time for your yearly physical?

I went to the Doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked.
“135,” I said.
The nurse put me on the scale.
It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, “Your height?”
“5 foot 4,” I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5’ 2”.

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it was very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed. “When I came in here I was tall and slender - now I’m short and fat!”

She put me on Prozac.
What a bitch.


QuotaBills
Sickness soaks the purse. - International Proverb

Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Dyspupsia: Being sick as a dog. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Diabetes is caused by melancholy. - Thomas Willis

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot. - Dutch Proverb

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Lake: Large body of water into which a kid will jump should his friends do so - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense. - Beau M

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

Ignorance is not so damnable as humbug, but when it prescribes pills it may happen to do more harm. - George Eilot

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton

With some diseases, like type 2 diabetes, if people get alerted early, they can take steps to avert getting sick. - Elizabeth Holmes

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


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24-Jan-2022