Bat House

Life is too short to drink the house wine. - Helen Thomas

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

In the ant's house, the dew is a flood. - Danish Proverb

A road to a friend's house is never long. - Danish Proverb

There are no elevators in the house of success. - H.H. Vreeland

Choose your neighbor before you buy your house. - African Proverb

Peace and a well-built house cannot be bought too dearly. - Danish Proverb

Better a hundred enemies outside the house than one inside. - Arabic proverb

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

A house with old furniture has no need of ghosts to be haunted. - Hope Mirrlees

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

Go often to the house of a friend, for weeds choke the unused path. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

Hidin' out in the house all the time, like some Bantam of the Opera. - Archie Bunker

Your own safety is at stake when your neighbor's house is in flames. - Horace

The most important thing about batting is getting the bat to hit the ball. - Michael Holding

In the haunted house of life, art is the only stair that doesn't creak. - Tom Robbins

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs. - Steven Wright

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

If you want to see me, come over anytime. If you want to see my house, make an appointment. - Unknown

God gives men wisdom as he gives them gold; his treasure house is not the mint, but the mine. - Arabic Proverb

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

If we build in the desert, let the house know the desert and the desert be proud of the house. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Crafting fills my life, and my closets, and my drawers, and every empty tote bag in the house. - Unknown

It's not my fault I was dragged out of my house by a mob and forced to predict the weather. - Punxsutawney Phil

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. - WC Fields

In France we leave unmolested those who set fire to the house, and persecute those who sound the alarm. - Sebastien Chamfort

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

Talking is a hydrant in the yard and writing is a faucet upstairs in the house. Opening the first takes the pressure off the second. - Robert Frost

The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours. - Lady Hasluck

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door, greet him with, "Who could have done this? We have no enemies." - Phyllis Diller

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules H Poincare

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon