Children’s Science Exam Answers

Have you got intercontinental bowels?


Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.

Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.

The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

To prevent contraception, use a condominium.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


QuotaBills
Logic is neither science nor an art, but a dodge. - Benjamin Jowett

My life feels like a test I didn't study for. - Unknown

I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale

School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer

Test yourself with the impossible, and you will know your capability. - Unknown

Science is the great antidote to the poison of enthusiasm and superstition. - Adam Smith

A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - John Dewey

Science is always wrong - it never solves a problem without creating ten more. - George Bernard Shaw

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen

Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science. - Henry David Thoreau

The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man. - Cicero

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. - Bertrand Russell

Physics is about questioning, studying, probing nature. You probe, and, if you're lucky, you get strange clues. - Lene Hau

All our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike - and yet it is the most precious thing we have. - Albert Einstein

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown

That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. - Mark Twain

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip

Every job I do, I like to think it makes me better, or I learn things. It's all about how much something's going to stretch me or test me. - Daniel Radcliffe

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn’t make any difference which you called in — if you had a good nurse. - Finley Peter

There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having a little misery and as much happiness as possible. - Samuel Johnson


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15-Jul-2020