Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Logic is neither science nor an art, but a dodge. - Benjamin Jowett
My life feels like a test I didn't study for. - Unknown
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko
The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale
School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon
Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer
Test yourself with the impossible, and you will know your capability. - Unknown
Science is the great antidote to the poison of enthusiasm and superstition. - Adam Smith
A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke
High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown
Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - John Dewey
Science is always wrong - it never solves a problem without creating ten more. - George Bernard Shaw
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen
Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science. - Henry David Thoreau
The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man. - Cicero
If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. - Bertrand Russell
Physics is about questioning, studying, probing nature. You probe, and, if you're lucky, you get strange clues. - Lene Hau
All our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike - and yet it is the most precious thing we have. - Albert Einstein
I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman
Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown
That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. - Mark Twain
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip
Every job I do, I like to think it makes me better, or I learn things. It's all about how much something's going to stretch me or test me. - Daniel Radcliffe
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn’t make any difference which you called in — if you had a good nurse. - Finley Peter
There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having a little misery and as much happiness as possible. - Samuel Johnson
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Swing By The Beach
Dog Pot Nap
Shame On All You Hunters
Transparent Touch Calculator
Painting The Center Line
Names of the Colours
At Home Grave
Alice In Hulaland
French Army Knife
Putting Your Foot Down
Day At The Beach