Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Marketing isn't magic. There is a science to it. - Dan Zarrella
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of our science. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. - Immanuel Kant
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
Study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill
School Of Hard Knocks: Where they train door-to-door salesmen - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman
The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden
I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
I study myself more than any other subject. That is my metaphysics, that is my physics, - Michel de Montaigne
When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley
Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya
The cost of praising someone is nil - but every psychological study shows the payoff is huge. - Harvey Mackay
If I had only three years to serve the Lord, I would spend two of them studying and preparing. - Donald G Barnhouse
I admit that mathematical science is a good thing. But excessive devotion to it is a bad thing. - Aldous Huxley
Science is angling in the mud - angling for immortality and for anything else that may turn up. - Aldous Huxley
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles
The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. - Kurt Vonnegut
'Healing,' Papa would tell me, 'is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature.' - W H Auden
I will only hire someone to work directly for me if I would work for that person. It's a pretty good test. - Mark Zuckerberg
Aftermath: 1. The period following algebra; 2. The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra test. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves
A convention is a splendid place to study human nature. Man in a crowd is quite a different creature than man acting alone. - William Jennings Bryan
It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown
I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz
Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare
Nothing has afforded me so convincing a proof of the unity of the Deity as these purely mental conceptions of numerical and mathematical science. - Mary Somerville
With the steady disintegration of the family in modern society over the last century, the role of the school in bridging the gap has become vital. - Stephen Covey
Not every man can carry a full cup. Sudden elevation frequently leads to pride and a fall. The most exacting test of all is to survive prosperity. - Oswald Sanders
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor one must exercise, study, and love. - Alan Bleasdale
I make two movies a year to take care of the butcher and the baker and the school fees. Then I try to write, but it's not that easy. Acting is what's easy. - David Niven
To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it. - Bertrand Russell
Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. - Muhammad Ali
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Spot The Surfer
Finally Got The Sink Fixed
Auto Correct Passing
Husband of the Year
Ancient Greek Stormtrooper
Dese Are My Bebies
Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles
Big Boots To Fill
Redneck Dog Kennel
Flying is so Overrated