Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Science is forever rewriting itself. - Unknown
Science is the record of dead religions. - Oscar Wilde
Truth is simple, requiring neither study nor art. - Ammian
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. - Immanuel Kant
A science which hesitates to forget its founders is lost. - Alfred North Whitehead
Management is a practice where art, science, and craft meet. - Henry Mintzberg
Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. - Groucho Marx
When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson
The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man. - Cicero
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln
'Healing,' Papa would tell me, 'is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature.' - W H Auden
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost
All our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike - and yet it is the most precious thing we have. - Albert Einstein
There are advantages to being President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. - Ronald Reagan
So long as the mother, ignorance, lives, it is not safe for science, the offspring, to divulge the hidden cause of things. - Johannes Kepler
A convention is a splendid place to study human nature. Man in a crowd is quite a different creature than man acting alone. - William Jennings Bryan
The fundamental concept in social science is Power, in the same sense in which Energy is the fundamental concept in physics. - Bertrand Russell
It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty
I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman
The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
If you study a subject every day, for one hour a day, for five days a week - in five years you will become an expert in that area. - Earl Nightingale
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold
I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I make two movies a year to take care of the butcher and the baker and the school fees. Then I try to write, but it's not that easy. Acting is what's easy. - David Niven
So many come to the sickroom thinking of themselves as men of science fighting disease and not as healers with a little knowledge helping nature to get a sick man well. - Auckland Geddes
The best narrative is one of infinite love. A spiritual affair - one not of the material world. Intermingled, with no beginning nor end - it will always stand the test of time. - Terry A. O'Neal
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Family Planning Advice
Cracks Me Up
Anger Release Machine
Palm Sunday Social Distancing Service
Yoga's Balanced Lifestyle
Gift Shop for Stray Kids
Souped Up Car
Today's Paper Read Yesterday
Someone Is Upset