Children’s Science Exam Answers

Have you got intercontinental bowels?


Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.

Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.

The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

To prevent contraception, use a condominium.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


QuotaBills
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

Conflict Of Interest: A dental school with a hockey team - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton

Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell

What counts in science is to be not so much the first as the last. - Erwin Chargaff

Study in the course of your life to do the greatest amount of good. - John McDonough

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. - Henry Brightman

Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing

Study nature. Love nature. Stay close to nature. It will never fail you. - Frank Lloyd Wright

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

High school is a lot like toilet paper: you only miss it when it's gone. - Unknown

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Hope has proven a powerful predictor of outcome in every study we've done so far. - Charles R Snyder

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards. - Mark Twain

The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man. - Cicero

If religion is to be treated with intellectual respect, then it must stand the test of truth. - Ravi Zacharias

If I had only three years to serve the Lord, I would spend two of them studying and preparing. - Donald G Barnhouse

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

This is the first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. - William Lyon Phelps

We lawyers learn to study the faces of our witnesses, to form quick judgments, and to act upon them. - Lyman Abbott

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. - Bill Vaughan

We've arranged a civilization in which most crucial elements profoundly depend on science and technology. - Carl Sagan

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

Statistics: the only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. - Evan Esar

Physics is about questioning, studying, probing nature. You probe, and, if you're lucky, you get strange clues. - Lene Hau

Aftermath: 1. The period following algebra; 2. The horrible headache you have when you've finished the algebra test. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A convention is a splendid place to study human nature. Man in a crowd is quite a different creature than man acting alone. - William Jennings Bryan

This, then, is the test we must set for ourselves; not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us. - Hubert H. Humphrey

Science is not opposed to storytelling. Science is a genre of storytelling. Stories of the real world, inspired by observations thereof. - Sean Carroll

I was named the Class Clown in the high school yearbook, so I was always turning to comedy and laughter to heal and to get me through things. - Guillermo Diaz

The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles

Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Make-believe colors the past with innocent distortion, and it swirls ahead of us in a thousand ways - in science, in politics, in every bold intention. - Shirley Temple Black

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughan

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. - Dan Quayle

Psychology: 1. The science that tells you what you already know in words you can't understand; 2. The science of everything we know about what people are willing to tell us. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


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27-Jan-2022