Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Only time will tell if we stand the test of time. - Van Halen
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
Study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill
If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon
Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke
Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. - Michelle M. Pillow
To err is human; to try to prevent recurrence of error is science. - Unknown
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. - Benjamin Franklin
Study in the course of your life to do the greatest amount of good. - John McDonough
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. - Albert Einstein
Science becomes dangerous only when it imagines that it has reached its goal. - George Bernard Shaw
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
Science is the ascertainment of facts and the refusal to regard facts as permanent. - Unknown
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I admit that mathematical science is a good thing. But excessive devotion to it is a bad thing. - Aldous Huxley
It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them. - Bill Vaughan
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. - Don Rickles
The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun
The real test of your character is your treatment of those who can be of no possible service to you. - Unknown
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain
All our science, measured against reality, is primitive and childlike - and yet it is the most precious thing we have. - Albert Einstein
I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves
A convention is a splendid place to study human nature. Man in a crowd is quite a different creature than man acting alone. - William Jennings Bryan
It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty
Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz
Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward
Science will never be able to reduce the value of a sunset to arithmetic. Nor can it reduce friendship or statesmanship to a formula. - Louis Orr
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien
Make-believe colors the past with innocent distortion, and it swirls ahead of us in a thousand ways - in science, in politics, in every bold intention. - Shirley Temple Black
There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. - Garry Trudeau
Blind faith, no matter how passionately expressed, will not suffice. Science for its part will test relentlessly every assumption about the human condition. - E.O. Wilson
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays and have things arranged for them that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas. - Agatha Christie
A motorcycle functions entirely in accordance with the laws of reason, and a study of the art of motorcycle maintenance is really a miniature study of the art of rationality itself. - Robert M. Pirsig
There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having a little misery and as much happiness as possible. - Samuel Johnson
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Cliff Side Camping
2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3)
OCD Floor Tiles
Wedding Cake for Men
You May Pet Me
Cutting Off Board