Where’s The Remote?

Bird House: Home Tweet Home. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Oscar night at my house is called Passover. - Bob Hope

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved. - Ann Douglas

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. - Confucius

I still close my eyes and go home... I can always draw from that. - Dolly Parton

I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas. - Hillary Clinton

One road leads home and a thousand roads lead into the wilderness. - C S Lewis

At worst, a house unkept cannot be so distressing as a life unlived. - Rose Macaulay

It's very hard to make a home for a man if he's always in it. - Winifred Kirkland

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. - Robert Orben

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. - Kin Hubbard

If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

I certainly don't live in a kosher home although I was raised in a kosher environment. - Leonard Nimoy

A gentleman should never leave the house without a sharp knife, a good watch, and great hat. - Unknown

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home. - Dagobert D. Runes

Growing up, I'd just be at home, playing tennis, spending my allowance on an ice-cream truck. - Venus Williams

Liberate yourself today. At work or at home - you don't have to be how others expect you to be. - Elaine Harrison

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. - Steven Wright

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

Monkey: 1. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees; 2. A key that won't open a door. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is no place like home when the people who live there make 'building one another' their highest priority. - Gordon MacDonald

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. - Thomas Moore

You reached into my soul and rearranged the position of my bones,
You rebuilt my rib cage so your heart could be home. - Unknown

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH. - Steven Wright

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper. - Steven Wright

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

Vacation Time: That period when the flowers in the home garden are at their best and only the neighbours are around to enjoy them - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answers to, in the strongest conjuration. - Charles Dickens

I am a gypsy. I haven't had a home for a long time. Call me a homeless person - I just throw everything in a bag and I'm good to go. - Taylor Kinney

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

Perhaps someday I'll crawl back home, beaten, defeated. But not as long as I can make stories out of my heartbreak, beauty out of sorrow. - Sylvia Plath