A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”
Time is the wisest counselor. - Pericles
Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
The only time I feel alive is when I'm painting. - Andy Warhol
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. - Unknown
Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. - Maya Angelou
My time has not yet come either; some are born posthumously. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. - Steven Wright
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore
He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. - Unknown
We laugh, we cry, we make time fly. We are best friends, my mom and I. - Unknown
You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right. - Casey Stengel
If the marathon is a part-time interest, you will only get part-time results. - Bill Rodgers
No thieves, no traitors, no interventionists! This time the revolution is for real! - Fidel Castro
One of the funniest antidotes of all time - you sit there like you're in a comma. - Archie Bunker
It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away. - Elvis Presley
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing 'k' instead of 'ok'? - Unknown
Yet, taught by time, my heart has learned to glow for other's good, and melt at other's woe. - Homer
It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time, and few accomplish it after the age of six. - John W. Gardner
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen
The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers
I don't think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to have faith. - Nicholas Sparks
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. - Steven Wright
When my time on Earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want that they should bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass. - Bobby Knight
In the marathon a crazy athlete can just keep pushing from the beginning; at a championship you don't need a time just to win the race. - Haile Gebrelassie
The future rewards those who press on. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. I don't have time to complain. I'm going to press on. - Barack Obama
Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez
Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. We stretch puberty out a long, long time. - Toni Morrison
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
Things always get better. Tomorrow will always be better. Just think about it... is there any time in history in which you'd rather live than now? - Paul Harvey
Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
The only time I feel alive is when I'm painting. - Andy Warhol
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. - Unknown
Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. - Maya Angelou
My time has not yet come either; some are born posthumously. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. - Steven Wright
My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson
The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore
He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. - Unknown
We laugh, we cry, we make time fly. We are best friends, my mom and I. - Unknown
You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right. - Casey Stengel
If the marathon is a part-time interest, you will only get part-time results. - Bill Rodgers
No thieves, no traitors, no interventionists! This time the revolution is for real! - Fidel Castro
One of the funniest antidotes of all time - you sit there like you're in a comma. - Archie Bunker
It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away. - Elvis Presley
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing 'k' instead of 'ok'? - Unknown
Yet, taught by time, my heart has learned to glow for other's good, and melt at other's woe. - Homer
It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time, and few accomplish it after the age of six. - John W. Gardner
My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen
The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix
Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers
I don't think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to have faith. - Nicholas Sparks
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde
I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. - Steven Wright
When my time on Earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want that they should bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass. - Bobby Knight
In the marathon a crazy athlete can just keep pushing from the beginning; at a championship you don't need a time just to win the race. - Haile Gebrelassie
The future rewards those who press on. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. I don't have time to complain. I'm going to press on. - Barack Obama
Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez
Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. We stretch puberty out a long, long time. - Toni Morrison
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
Things always get better. Tomorrow will always be better. Just think about it... is there any time in history in which you'd rather live than now? - Paul Harvey
see also Bar & Relationship Sections
Solar System Watch
Time Flies
 New World Record Holder |  World's Hardest Golf Shot |  Safe Bike |  Donut Hole History |  Church Flight |
 Jews: The Revenge |  Israel Security |  Breakfast In Bed |  Antler Field |  Redneck Stove Burner |
 Texas Earrings |  A Man's Life |  Dog Walker |  New Zealand Prepares For War |  Window Washing Daredevil |
 Aussie Ford Coupe |  Pushing The Envelope |  Window Fall Repair |  Bacon Balls |  Tiny Forest |
26-Sep-2021 |