James Bond’s Telepathic Watch

Don’t you wish you had telepathic timing?


A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”


QuotaBills
Time is the wisest counselor. - Pericles

Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus

The only time I feel alive is when I'm painting. - Andy Warhol

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. - Unknown

Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time. - Maya Angelou

My time has not yet come either; some are born posthumously. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. - Groucho Marx

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. - Steven Wright

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. - Rabindranath Tagore

He could shake your hand and stab you in the back at the same time. - Richard Nixon

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. - Unknown

We laugh, we cry, we make time fly. We are best friends, my mom and I. - Unknown

You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right. - Casey Stengel

If the marathon is a part-time interest, you will only get part-time results. - Bill Rodgers

No thieves, no traitors, no interventionists! This time the revolution is for real! - Fidel Castro

One of the funniest antidotes of all time - you sit there like you're in a comma. - Archie Bunker

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away. - Elvis Presley

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. - Phyllis Diller

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing 'k' instead of 'ok'? - Unknown

Yet, taught by time, my heart has learned to glow for other's good, and melt at other's woe. - Homer

It is not easy to be crafty and winsome at the same time, and few accomplish it after the age of six. - John W. Gardner

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers

I don't think that we're meant to understand it all the time. I think that sometimes we just have to have faith. - Nicholas Sparks

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. - James Agate

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done. - Steven Wright

When my time on Earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want that they should bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass. - Bobby Knight

In the marathon a crazy athlete can just keep pushing from the beginning; at a championship you don't need a time just to win the race. - Haile Gebrelassie

The future rewards those who press on. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. I don't have time to complain. I'm going to press on. - Barack Obama

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, "You owe me." Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. - Hafez

Schools must stop being holding pens to keep energetic young people off the job market and off the streets. We stretch puberty out a long, long time. - Toni Morrison

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant

Things always get better. Tomorrow will always be better. Just think about it... is there any time in history in which you'd rather live than now? - Paul Harvey


see also   Bar  &  Relationship  Sections
Solar System Watch
Time Flies

 

New World Record Holder

World's Hardest Golf Shot

Safe Bike

Donut Hole History

Church Flight

Jews: The Revenge

Israel Security

Breakfast In Bed

Antler Field

Redneck Stove Burner

Texas Earrings

A Man's Life

Dog Walker

New Zealand Prepares For War

Window Washing Daredevil

Aussie Ford Coupe

Pushing The Envelope

Window Fall Repair

Bacon Balls

Tiny Forest
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

26-Sep-2021