Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Life itself is a gift. - Daphne R Kingma

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson

Mankind's greatest gift is that we have free choice. - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

There's one thing about a late marriage - it doesn't last long. - Unknown

God gave me a gift to do other things besides play the game of basketball. - LeBron James

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Laughter is really a gift. It's the most vulnerable state you can be in. - David Dobkin

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

Today we celebrate the gift of victory over every fall we have ever experienced. - Jeffrey R Holland

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. - Leo Buscaglia

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

An almost perfect relationship with his father was the earthly root of all his wisdom. - C S Lewis

We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson

You have a grand gift for silence, Watson. It makes you quite invaluable as a companion. - Arthur Conan Doyle

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

Don't tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. - George S Patton

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Forgiveness does not exonerate the perpetrator. Forgiveness liberates the victim. It's a gift you give yourself. - T D Jakes

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is God's Gift. That's why we call it the 'Present.' - Bill Keane

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love. - Leo Buscaglia

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. - Epicurus


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16-Apr-2021