Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Knewlyweds: Second marriage for both - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

Conceit is God's gift to little men. - Bruce Barton

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

There is no more expensive thing than a free gift. - Michel de Montaigne

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The power of forgiveness transcends personal relationships. - Eric Metaxas

Forgiveness is a gift of high value. Yet its cost is nothing. - Betty Smith

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward. - Thomas Fuller

Nothing spoils a romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman. - Oscar Wilde

God gave me a gift to do other things besides play the game of basketball. - LeBron James

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value. - Charles Dudley Warner

In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. - Wilbert Donald Gough

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. - Rick Warren

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Polly had a gift for baking pies, and she poured her heart and soul into every one she made. - Sarah Weeks

Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland

That the Pearl Harbor attack should have succeeded in achieving surprise seems a blessing from heaven. - Hideki Tojo

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

Nothing is a surprise to God; nothing is a setback to His plans; nothing can thwart His purposes; and nothing is beyond His control. - Joni Eareckson Tada

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

To be happy, you must fancy that everything you have is a gift, and you the chosen, though you worked your tail off for every bit of it. - Robert Brault

There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it's the endings we're unprepared for. - Katherine Owen

I believe there's an Almighty, and I believe the Almighty's great gift to each man and woman in this world is the desire to be free. - George W Bush

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer. - Barbara de Angelis

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
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Everything Men Know About Women
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Flower Shop For Men
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My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
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Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
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28-Jan-2021