A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?”
Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”
“What’s that mean?” asked the child.
“Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”
The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”
Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it and said, “Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block.”
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”
The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker
A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown
A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman
We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman
Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer
Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
wanderer, there is no path,
the path is made by walking. - Antonio Machado
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck
I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying. - Charlie Chaplin
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel
Hiking's not for everyone. Notice the wilderness is mostly empty. - Sonja Yoerg
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. - Helen Keller
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. - Barack Obama
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and this trial. - Winston Churchill
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman
Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong
Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus
Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash
The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher
Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker
A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown
A hungry dog will eat dirty puddings. - Latin Proverb
A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown
Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman
We don't see many fat men walking on stilts. - Bud Miller
Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino
Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman
Hiking and happiness go hand in hand (or foot in boot). - Diane Spicer
Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
wanderer, there is no path,
the path is made by walking. - Antonio Machado
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck
I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying. - Charlie Chaplin
Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown
A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel
Hiking's not for everyone. Notice the wilderness is mostly empty. - Sonja Yoerg
It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly
Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. - Helen Keller
I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine
From every Englishman emanates a kind of gas, the deadly choke-lamp of boredom. - Heinrich Heine
A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers
I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. - Steven Wright
Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland
You don't go walking into the proverbial lion's den lightly. You start with a good breakfast. - Jim Butcher
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno
Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton
Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump
For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym bag. - Charles Barkley
When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson
Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. - Barack Obama
The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington. - Yakov Smirnoff
An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut
I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and this trial. - Winston Churchill
I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner
Returning home is the most difficult part of long-distance hiking. You have grown outside the puzzle and your piece no longer fits. - Cindy Ross
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman
Pilots take no special joy in walking: pilots like flying. Pilots generally take pride in a good landing, not in getting out of the vehicle. - Neil Armstrong
Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus
Money is like gasoline during a road trip. You don't want to run out of gas on your trip, but you're not doing a tour of gas stations. - Tim O'Reilly
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash
see also Dog Section
Babysitter Dog
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27-Feb-2020 |