Office Sarcasm or Rules For My Boss?

Re-learning the challenge of a deadline


To all of my fellow office workers...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 p.m. and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks were you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lost all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay such high taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money, anyway.


QuotaBills
Dreams don't work unless you do. - John C Maxwell

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

Luck is when hard work meets opportunity. - David Foster

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. - Aristotle

Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil. - J Paul Getty

If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. - Saint Francis of Assisi

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. - Unknown

Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need. - Voltaire

McEnroe has got to sit down and work out where he stands. - Fred Perry

From each according to his ability, to each according to his work - Claude de Rouvroy

Talent is no match for hard work, determination, and perseverance. - Unknown

Fools take to themselves the respect that is given to their office. - Aesop

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

It is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

You cannot be really first-rate at your work if your work is all you are. - Anna Quindlen

Science becomes dangerous only when it imagines that it has reached its goal. - George Bernard Shaw

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working. - Albert Giacometti

If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. - Jay Leno

If you want to have more, you have to become more. You have to grow into your goals. - Jim Rohn

Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. - Les Brown

Work for the Lord. The pay isn't much, but the retirement plan is out of this world. - Unknown

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

Be steady and well-ordered in your life so that you can be fierce and original in your work. - Gustave Flaubert

Never work just for money or power. They won't save your soul or help you sleep at night. - Marian Wright Edelman

Making better choices takes work. There is a daily give and take, but it is worth the effort. - Tom Rath

Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted. - David Bly

We challenge one another to be funnier and smarter ... It's the way friends make love to one another. - Annie Gottlieb

The larger office, the corner space, the extra window are the teddy bears and tricycles of adult office life. - Willard Gaylin

My goal as a puzzle designer is to create a meaningful experience for the player, not just 'I solved it.' - Scott Kim

When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal. You do not change your decision to get there. - Zig Ziglar

The Brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost

When you're following your energy and doing what you want all the time, the distinction between work and play dissolves. - Shakti Gawain

In Mexico, an air-conditioner is called a "politician" because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well. - Len Deighton

If I had one wish for my children, it would be that each of them would reach for goals that have meaning for them as individuals. - Lillian Carter

If you're interested in 'balancing' work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable. - Donald Trump

If you are bored with life, if you don't get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don't have enough goals. - Lou Holtz

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung

It is easy - terribly easy - to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that, to break a man's spirit, is devil's work. - George Bernard Shaw

There are two ways you can get through pain. You can let it destroy you, or you can use it as fuel to drive you: to dream bigger, to work harder. - Taylor Swift


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18-Nov-2019