Office Sarcasm or Rules For My Boss?

Re-learning the challenge of a deadline


To all of my fellow office workers...

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 p.m. and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it’s really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks were you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lost all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to people you’re with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager’s hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay such high taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of living increase. I’m not here for the money, anyway.


QuotaBills
Set goals, not limits. - Unknown

What isn't tried won't work. - Claude McDonald

Dreams don't work unless you do. - John C Maxwell

Marathon runners set explicit goals. - Joseph B Wirthlin

All happiness depends on courage and work. - Honore de Balzac

Don't limit your challenges. Challenge your limits. - Unknown

McEnroe has got to sit down and work out where he stands. - Fred Perry

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. - Richard Bach

Ideas are funny little things. They won't work unless you do. - Unknown

Talent is no match for hard work, determination, and perseverance. - Unknown

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K. Jerome

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. - Emile Zola

I believe in moderation. I work on genealogy only on days that end in 'y'. - Richard Thiesen

No one has the right to sit down and feel hopeless. There's too much work to do. - Dorothy Day

Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work. - Rita Mae Brown

In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. - Jay Leno

To turn $100 into $110 is work. To turn $100 million into $110 million is inevitable. - Edgar Bronfman

Work for the Lord. The pay isn't much, but the retirement plan is out of this world. - Unknown

A work of art that contains theories is like an object on which the price tag has been left. - Alexander Pope

Making better choices takes work. There is a daily give and take, but it is worth the effort. - Tom Rath

The romantic idealism of my youth has been replaced with realism and hard work at what I love. - Monique Roffey

Your success is your responsibility. Take the initiative, do the work, and persist to the end. - Lori Myers

Sometimes you have to work hard for what you want. Sometimes, hard work is what makes it precious. - Ute Carbone

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play and to look up at the stars. - Henry van Dyke

I have far too many skeletons in my closet to think about any sort of serious mention of public office. - David Cone

Your problem is to bridge the gap which exists between where you are now and the goal you intend to reach. - Earl Nightingale

Too often, sales reps simply regurgitate their presentations and expect to land the sale. It doesn't work. - Harvey Mackay

Work like you don't need the money, dance like no one is watching, and love like you've never been hurt. - Mark Twain

The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it. - Pearl S Buck

Individual commitment to a group effort - that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work. - Vince Lombardi

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

Many training programs and often schools focus on just a skill or a kind of work competency. That's only half the equation. - Gerald Chertavian

The road to success is not easy to navigate, but with hard work, drive and passion, it's possible to achieve the American dream. - Tommy Hilfiger

How much more grand is the work of our Heavenly Father as he pulls together all the varied strands of life to reveal his grand design? - Ravi Zacharias

Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now. - Denis Waitley

There are two ways you can get through pain. You can let it destroy you, or you can use it as fuel to drive you: to dream bigger, to work harder. - Taylor Swift

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

It wasn't until we got out first office in Palo Alto where things became more like a company. We never went into this wanting to build a company. - Mark Zuckerberg

Good intentions aren't enough. People have good intentions when they set a goal to do something, but then they miss a deadline or other milestone. - Harvey Mackay


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17-Apr-2021