Conservative Plant

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

Love is an exploding cigar that you willingly smoke. - Lynda Barry

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

I'd rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin. - Gwyneth Paltrow

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

Mexican marijuana, which he called the schoolboy's consolation. - James Purdy

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I'd be honest. - Rodney Dangerfield

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

Whenever a fellow tells me he's bipartisan, I know he's going to vote against me. - Harry S Truman

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. - Winston Churchill

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers

That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves. - Thomas Jefferson

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. - Mark Twain

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

Get thee glass eyes;
And, like a scurvy politician, seem
To see the things thou dost not. - William Shakespeare

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

The irony of the matter is that the future generations do not have a vote. In effect, we hold their proxy. - Charles J Hitch

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating. - Richard Neville

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' - Ralph Nader

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

In politics, as in womanizing, failure is decisive. It sheds its retrospective gloom on earlier endeavor which at the time seemed full of promise. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments. - Isaac Asimov