Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus

Music is the universal language of mankind. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I am the Roman Emperor and am above grammar. - Emperor Sigismund

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

A fool is known by his speech; and a wise man by silence. - Pythagoras

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way. - Mark Twain

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

I failed kindergarten because I couldn't spell my last name. - Zach Galifianakis

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

I don't care what you say about me. Just be sure to spell my name wrong. - Barbra Streisand

Humour is practically the only thing about which the English are utterly serious. - Malcolm Muggeridge

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in... it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

If we do not believe in freedom of speech for those we despise, we do not believe in it at all. - Noam Chomsky

In the places I go there are things that I see that I never could spell if I stopped with the Z. - Dr. Seuss

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life bringing peace, abolishing strife. - Kahlil Gibran

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

Grammar: 1. Lives with granpar; 2. The difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You’re Nuts. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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16-Apr-2021