Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Humor is a universal language. - Joel Goodman

Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

English Wrestling Champion: A lord of the ring - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. - Gore Vidal

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together. - Max Eastman

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Under all speech that is good for anything there lies a silence that is better. - Thomas Carlyle

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown

Give me a few lines of a man's handwriting; that will be sufficient for me to get him hanged. - Cardinal Richelieu

Sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in. - Jane Austen

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Grammar: 1. Lives with granpar; 2. The difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You’re Nuts. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless. - Unknown

Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

Music is a language that doesn't speak in particular words. It speaks in emotions, and if it's in the bones, it's in the bones. - Keith Richards


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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18-May-2022