Cheeseburger Bed

My talent: not sleeping at night. - Unknown

A spotless house is a sign of a misspent life. - Unknown

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in. - Evan Davis

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

Home is an invention on which no one has yet improved. - Ann Douglas

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort. - Jane Austen

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - Unknown

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. - Confucius

One road leads home and a thousand roads lead into the wilderness. - C S Lewis

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

The world is a globe. The farther you sail, the closer to home you are. - Terry Pratchett

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

Tell her I ain't crawlin' home to her with my tail between her legs. - Archie Bunker

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone. - Janis Joplin

Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night. - William Blake

Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now? - Unknown

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to. - John E Pearce

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm. - Oscar Wilde

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller

I certainly don't live in a kosher home although I was raised in a kosher environment. - Leonard Nimoy

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above, so I never have to go upstairs. - Steven Wright

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

What's a good investment? Go home from work early and spend the afternoon throwing a ball around with your son. - Ben Stein

We can't win at home, we can't win away. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play. - Jock Brown

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

Eden is that old-fashioned house
We dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode
Until we drive away. - Emily Dickinson

I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert. I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house-top. - Bible

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. - Edgar W. Howe

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward

At fifty, the madwoman in the attic breaks loose, stomps down the stairs, and sets fire to the house. She won't be imprisoned anymore. - Erica Jong

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

I love working for myself from home. I get along with everyone in the office; I can show up in pajamas, and I always win Employee of the Month. - Missy Miwac

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright