1. You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.
2. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.
3. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian.
4. The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12’ boat.
5. The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.
6. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down.
7. Your “Big Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist.
8. You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
9. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday.
10. Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
11. You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games.
12. A guest quotes a Biblical passage from “The Feeding of the 5000”.
13. That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.
14. Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed.
15. Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
16. You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty.
17. It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas.
18. Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this...
Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent
Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock. - William Shakespeare
A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown
No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - St. Ambrose
A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey. - Dolly Parton
For all that has been - thanks.
For all that will be - yes. - Dag Hammarskjold
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. - Emo Philips
We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. - Unknown
Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander
Thanks to this man I've gone from over-the-counter to over-the-barrel. - Unknown
Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. - Unknown
The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller
Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser
Go see that turkey for yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it. - Samuel Goldwyn
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. - Kin Hubbard
Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown
I love Thanksgiving turkey - it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
My mother gave me my drive, but my father gave me my dreams. Thanks to him, I could see a future. - Liza Minnelli
Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. - W.T. Purkiser
Your majesty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and Madame Houde thanks you from her bottom too. - Camillein Houde
I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:16-18
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin
Got no checkbooks, got no banks,
Still I'd like to express my thanks -
I got the sun in the mornin'
And the moon at night. - Irving Berlin
Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. - Albert Schweitzer
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