Thanksgiving During Biblical Times

Kumquat Dip, Kentucky Fried Dove & Roasted Camel Hump - yum, yum!

[Ways Thanksgiving might have gone down during Biblical Times...]

7. Terrible chariot jams on the way to Grandma’s house;

6. Young Israelite boys with slingshots shooting at the giant inflatable Caesar balloons which highlight every Phatama’s Thanksgiving day parade (Phatama, a holiday tradition for 60 years);

5. You think 4 days of turkey leftovers get old? Imagine roasting a camel... “Would you like the hump or a leg?”

4. No meal would be complete without an appetizer tray consisting of kumquat dip, those little round sausages that everybody likes but don’t know what they’re called, and Kentucky fried dove;

3. Ahkmed Seltzer, helping heartburn sufferers for 3 score and 7 years;

2. Men bonding after dinner while watching rip roaring gladiator games on TV; and

1. Women suddenly having the urge to go to the Jerusalem manufacturers’ marketplace the next day.


QuotaBills
Man is incurably religious. - Ravi Zacharias

Tea is a religion of the art of life. - Okakura Kakuzo

There is no substitute for the Bible. - Henry Halley

That Meathead calls me a religious phonetic. - Archie Bunker

Religion is the search for ultimate meaning. - Viktor Frankl

Superstition is the religion of feeble minds. - Edmund Burke

The church is the great lost-and-found department. - Robert Short

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. - Naguib Mahfouz

I once dieted so religiously I quit eating in Church. - Zig Ziglar

Where God has his church, the Devil will have his chapel. - Spanish Proverb

To be born in India is to arrive into the world swimming in religion. - Ravi Zacharias

There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it. - George Bernard Shaw

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education. - Theodore Roosevelt

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. - Frank Sinatra

The Religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is a world of practical religion in simply being considerate of others. - Roger Babson

Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser

You can always borrow a corkscrew from a member of the Protestant Episcopal Church. - Chauncey Depew

Later, he told his nephew that religion required careful thought, not reflexive acceptance. - Thomas Jefferson

Religion is like a map. The route isn't important. It's the destination that matters. - Marianne Williamson

If religion is to be treated with intellectual respect, then it must stand the test of truth. - Ravi Zacharias

Sex is the mysticism of materialism and the only possible religion in a materialistic society. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson

I love Thanksgiving turkey - it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Your daily life is your temple and your religion. Whenever you enter into it take with you your all. - Kahlil Gibran

Most people have some sort of religion, at least they know which church they're staying away from. - John Erskine

Your majesty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and Madame Houde thanks you from her bottom too. - Camillein Houde

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. - Billy Sunday

If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity. - C S Lewis

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are the same people. - G K Chesterton

The world says everything happens randomly, without reason. But the Bible reassures us that God works in all things. - David Jeremiah

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:16-18

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. - Robert F. Kennedy

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. - Albert Schweitzer

The hallmark of religion is to distrust claims made for mortal men. It is in ages of great religious faith that great skepticism can find expression. - Malcolm Muggeridge


see also   Religious  &  Thanksgiving  Sections

 

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15-Jan-2021