Redneck Math

Pi are squared, aren’t they?

Teacher:   “What is the area of a circle, Bubba - Pi R^2?”
Bubba:   “Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.”

Teacher:   “What is a proof?”
Bubba:   “One-half percent of alcohol.”

Mathematics has beauties of its own. - J.W.A. Young

College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

Math, it's a puzzle to me. I love figuring out puzzles. - Maya Lin

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - Mark Twain

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them. - John von Neumann

Like the crest of a peacock, so is mathematics at the head of all knowledge. - Indian Proverb

Perhaps the most surprising thing about mathematics is that it is so surprising. - E.C. Titchmarsh

For the things of this world cannot be made known without a knowledge of mathematics. - Roger Bacon

Let us grant that the pursuit of mathematics is a divine madness of the human spirit. - Alfred Whitehead

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. - Albert Einstein

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

Mathematics is distinguished from all other sciences except only ethics, in standing in no need of ethics. - Charles Peirce

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence. - Steven Wright

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

Mathematics may be compared to a mill of exquisite workmanship, which grinds your stuff to any degree of fineness. - Thomas Huxley

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

The most painful thing about mathematics is how far away you are from being able to use it after you have learned it. - James Newman

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal

Mathematics takes us into the region of absolute necessity, to which not only the actual word, but every possible word, must conform. - Bertrand Russell

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

Mathematics is not a careful march down a well-cleared highway, but a journey into a strange wilderness where the explorers often get lost. - W.S. Anglin

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers, it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology. - Unknown

see also   College,  School  &  Redneck  Sections
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