Redneck Math

Pi are squared, aren’t they?

Teacher:   “What is the area of a circle, Bubba - Pi R^2?”
Bubba:   “Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.”

Teacher:   “What is a proof?”
Bubba:   “One-half percent of alcohol.”

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

Pure mathematics is the poetry of logical ideas. - Albert Einstein

Academy: A modern school where football is taught - Daffynitions

Algebra: Undergarment worn by female math teachers - Daffynitions

I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. - Bill Watterson

Pure mathematics, may it never be of any use to anyone. - Henry Smith

Conflict Of Interest: A dental school with a hockey team - Daffynitions

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain

You can lead a boy to college but you cannot make him think. - Elbert Hubbard

A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

I'm not buying my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. - Yogi Berra

Mathematics consists of proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way. - George Polya

Perhaps the most surprising thing about mathematics is that it is so surprising. - E.C. Titchmarsh

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins

When I got outta High School I was driving a truck. I was just a poor boy from Memphis. - Elvis Presley

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

College Professor: A man who gets what's left over after the football coach is paid off - Daffynitions

Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. - Albert Einstein

There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown

Life on a farm is a school of patience. You can't hurry the crops or make an ox in two days. - Haneri Liogier

University: 1. A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand; 2. A mental institution. - Daffynitions

If I feel unhappy, I do mathematics to become happy. If I am happy, I do mathematics to keep happy. - Alfred Renyi

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

Mathematics is distinguished from all other sciences except only ethics, in standing in no need of ethics. - Charles Peirce

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. - Bertrand Russell

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

Probably no symbol in mathematics has evoked as much mystery, romanticism, misconception and human interest as the number pi. - William L Schaaf

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

Mathematics is not a careful march down a well-cleared highway, but a journey into a strange wilderness where the explorers often get lost. - W.S. Anglin

Mushroom: 1. A motel for quickies; 2. The place where they store the school food; 3. A room that has no sides, no walls, no doors and no ceilings. - Daffynitions

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