Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





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Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero

The family is one of nature's masterpieces. - George Santayana

There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

Leading your family is a lot tougher than basketball. - Giannis Antetokounmpo

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

Recognize, appreciate and repay your parents' love. - Cheng Yen

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family. - Anthony Brandt

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. - William Glasser

I only hope when I have my own family that every day I see a little more of my father in me. - Keith Urban

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

Grilling outside with my parents at the Jersey shore. We would grill lobster and corn in the summer. - Bobby Flay

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it. - Kin Hubbard

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

My family didn't have a lot of money, and I'm grateful for that. Money is the longest route to happiness. - Evangeline Lilly

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have Grandma buried or cremated, so in the end we decided to let her live. - Gary Delaney

The roots of the problems we face in the world, in our national life, and in our family and personal lives are spiritual. - Stephen Covey

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

It's a family that's loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy. - Nicolas Cage

The average family spends 30 hours in front of a television, and they say they don't have the time to have a balanced, integrated life. - Stephen Covey

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. - Tim Allen

Clay. It's rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. - Martine Vermeulen


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06-Jul-2022