Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

You live as long as you are remembered. - Russian Proverb

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero

Beware of men who flourish with hereditary honors. - Latin Proverb

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J Paul Getty

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. - John Ciardi

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. - Daniel Webster

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. - Thomas Paine

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

Grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see you all day and now the day was complete. - Marcy DeMaree

I don't know who my grandfather was, I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be. - Abraham Lincoln

All his successors gone before him have done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. - William Shakespeare

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Mothers are like glue, Even when you can't see them, they're still holding the family together. - Susan Gale

Every family story has 1,000 other stories contained within it, like an unending series of nesting dolls. - Alison Pick

My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

It's a family that's loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy. - Nicolas Cage

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


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03-Aug-2021