Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

Family is not an important thing - it's everything. - Michael J. Fox

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Future generations may well ask themselves, what were our parents thinking? - Al Gore

Gentility is what is left over from rich ancestors after the money is gone. - John Ciardi

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. - Daniel Webster

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

The greatest thing about man is his ability to transcend himself, his ancestry and his environment and to become what he dreams of being. - Tully C. Knoles

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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21-Jan-2020