Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





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Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

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A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson

There's nobody stronger than a single parent. - Unknown

Leading your family is a lot tougher than basketball. - Giannis Antetokounmpo

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest. - Mark Twain

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. - John J. Plomp

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

People should find happiness in the little things, like family. - Amanda Bynes

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

My first advice on how not to grow old would be to choose your ancestors carefully. - Bertrand Russell

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun. - William Glasser

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

Any living cell carries within it the experiences of a billion years of experimentation by its ancestors. - Max Delbrook

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled. - Richard P Feynman

It's a family that's loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy. - Nicolas Cage

The unjustifiable severity of a parent is loaded with this aggravation, that those whom he injures are always in his sight. - Joseph Addison

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning. - Leo Tolstoy

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo

Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. - Oscar Wilde


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22-Sep-2020