Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

The family is one of nature's masterpieces. - George Santayana

Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. - Voltaire

There's nobody stronger than a single parent. - Unknown

Acting is just a way of making a living; the family is life. - Denzel Washington

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt. - Herbert Hoover

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. - Thomas Paine

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. - Dave Barry

All his successors gone before him have done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. - William Shakespeare

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato - the best part of him is underground. - Henry Cooper

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

All dentists talk while they work. They have inherited this from their professional ancestors, the barbers. - Mark Twain

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

I was born in Canada for a reason. It was because my parents wanted me to have the freedoms that this country offers. - Patrick Chan

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

The greatest thing about man is his ability to transcend himself, his ancestry and his environment and to become what he dreams of being. - Tully C. Knoles

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


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06-Apr-2020