Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

We are the people our parents warned us about. - Jimmy Buffett

The family is one of nature's masterpieces. - George Santayana

Do well and you will have no need for ancestors. - Voltaire

Leading your family is a lot tougher than basketball. - Giannis Antetokounmpo

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

The two things children wear out are clothes and parents. - Unknown

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children. - Doris Day

Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

I write to keep in contact with our ancestors and to spread truth to people. - Sonia Sanchez

Those who inherit fortunes are often more troublesome than those who make them. - African Saying

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

The family you came from isn't as important as the family you're going to have. - Ring Lardner

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

Grilling outside with my parents at the Jersey shore. We would grill lobster and corn in the summer. - Bobby Flay

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

What is a family except memories? Haphazard and precious as the contents of a catchall drawer in the kitchen. - Joyce C Oates

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

It's a family that's loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy. - Nicolas Cage

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

What ya eat ain't got nuttin' to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It's what they call a matter of heresy. - Archie Bunker

I like a quiet evening with family or friends over, great food and great discussion, and a lot of laughter. That's really what fills my tank. - Anna Eshoo

Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson

I have frequently been questioned, especially by women, of how I could reconcile family life with a scientific career. Well, it has not been easy. - Marie Curie

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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20-Jan-2021