Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





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There is no place like home - except Grandma's. - Unknown

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

Recognize, appreciate and repay your parents' love. - Cheng Yen

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

Acting is just a way of making a living; the family is life. - Denzel Washington

Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children. - Doris Day

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Family means putting your arms around each other and being there. - Barbara Bush

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

To the world you are a mother, but to your family you are the world. - Unknown

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. - Martin Mull

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Family Tree: The only tree whose branches seek the shelter of its roots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

Future generations may well ask themselves, what were our parents thinking? - Al Gore

Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. - Rita Rudner

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. - Daniel Webster

The family you came from isn't as important as the family you're going to have. - Ring Lardner

We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment. - Bill Keane

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. - Haim Ginott

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground. - Thomas Overbury

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

Happiness is being content with what you have, living in freedom and liberty, having a good family life and good friends. - Divyanka Tripathi

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

It's a family that's loaded with grudges and passion. We come from a long line of robbers and highwaymen in Italy. - Nicolas Cage

The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams and aspirations he sets not only for himself, but for his family. - Reed Markham

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey


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15-Jul-2020