Pastor’s New Teeth

Putting your best gum forward!

Biting sermon from the pulpit


The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures... and I couldn’t shut up.


QuotaBills
Floss like a boss! - Unknown

Keep calm and floss on. - Unknown

Teeth are always in style. - Dr. Seuss

Never floss with a stranger. - Joan Rivers

Irony is the hygiene of the mind. - Elizabeth Bibesco

Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. - Ogden Nash

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

Love conquers all things - except poverty and toothache. - Mae West

Conflict Of Interest: A dental school with a hockey team - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

He lied through his teeth and even his teeth were false. - Phil Callaway

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Live so that the pastor won't have to lie at your funeral. - Phil Callaway

Every tooth in a man's head is more valuable than a diamond. - Miguel de Cervantes

If I'm feeling really wild I don't floss before bedtime. - Judith Viorst

I'm as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth. - Kris Kringle

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. - George Bernard Shaw

Harmony makes small things grow; lack of it makes great things decay. - Sallust

Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Homer Simpson

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

An aching tooth is better out than in.
To lose a rotting member is a gain. - Richard Baxter

Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy. - Unknown

For there was never yet a philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently. - William Shakespeare

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was that they escaped teething. - Mark Twain

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. - George Brett

Some old women and men grow bitter with age. The more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get. - George D. Prentice

It is guaranteed to put all teeth on edge, including George Washington's, wherever they might be. - Vincent Canby

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

Many of us are at the 'metallic' age - gold in our teeth, silver in our hair, and lead in our pants. - Unknown

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. - Harold Wilson

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Tooth decay was a perennial problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients, and for dentists a pocketful of gold. - Claudia Wallis

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache. - Garrison Keillor

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


see also   Aging,  Dentist  &  Religious  Sections
Beautiful Bride - “In-dentured” For Life
Dental Checkup
Dental Plan - Latest Extraction Technology
Dentist Talk
False Teeth
Nice Teeth For All The Crap He Eats
Pet Dentist
Redneck Bird Dogs
Staff Teeth

 

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23-Jan-2022