Pastor’s New Teeth

Putting your best gum forward!

Biting sermon from the pulpit


The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures... and I couldn’t shut up.


QuotaBills
Keep calm and floss on. - Unknown

Never floss with a stranger. - Joan Rivers

The tongue is ever turning to the aching tooth. - Thomas Fuller

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Unknown

Too much freedom can lead to the soul's decay. - Prince

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

Love conquers all things - except poverty and toothache. - Mae West

Conflict Of Interest: A dental school with a hockey team - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

He lied through his teeth and even his teeth were false. - Phil Callaway

Live so that the pastor won't have to lie at your funeral. - Phil Callaway

If I'm feeling really wild I don't floss before bedtime. - Judith Viorst

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

I'm as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth. - Kris Kringle

The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. - George Bernard Shaw

Harmony makes small things grow; lack of it makes great things decay. - Sallust

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

You don't have to brush your teeth - just the ones you want to keep. - Unknown

Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals. - Unknown

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

An aching tooth is better out than in.
To lose a rotting member is a gain. - Richard Baxter

I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence

I still have my teeth. I don't want to lose them at age 61 in some hockey game. - Jim Flaherty

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

I have a constant sweet tooth, so I like anything from the bakery, like cupcakes, cookies. - Carmen Electra

Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me. - Mark Twain

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

Some tortures are physical
And some are mental,
But the one that is both
is dental. - Ogden Nash

Stomach: 1. The home of the swallow; 2. A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. - Walt Disney

Most men would rather have their bellies opened for five hundred dollars than have a tooth pulled for five. - Martin H. Fischer

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire. - Theodor Adorno

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor? - Frank Colby

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. - Harold Wilson

E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is 10 times harder than any known drill bit. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled. - George Bernard Shaw

Tooth decay was a perennial problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients, and for dentists a pocketful of gold. - Claudia Wallis

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

I like cast iron coated with enamel for longevity and forgiveness if I happen to take my eyes off the prize while pouring Chianti. - Mario Batali

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton

Zipper: Two rows of unsmiling teeth that often induce laughter in others, especially when inadvertently left open following a trip to the john - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz


see also   Aging,  Dentist  &  Religious  Sections
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Dental Checkup
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False Teeth
Nice Teeth For All The Crap He Eats
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Staff Teeth

 

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05-Jul-2022