Pastor’s New Teeth

Putting your best gum forward!

Biting sermon from the pulpit


The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures... and I couldn’t shut up.


QuotaBills
Irony is the hygiene of the mind. - Elizabeth Bibesco

Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. - Ogden Nash

The tongue is ever turning to the aching tooth. - Thomas Fuller

We break bones and we lose teeth. We play rugby. - Martin Johnson

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. - Unknown

My friend has false teeth - with braces on them. - Steven Wright

Too much freedom can lead to the soul's decay. - Prince

Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth. - William R. Alger

Love conquers all things - except poverty and toothache. - Mae West

Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp

Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Every tooth in a man's head is more valuable than a diamond. - Miguel de Cervantes

If I'm feeling really wild I don't floss before bedtime. - Judith Viorst

A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice

Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown

Harmony makes small things grow; lack of it makes great things decay. - Sallust

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals. - Unknown

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

You know you're getting old if you have more fingers than real teeth. - Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield

I still have my teeth. I don't want to lose them at age 61 in some hockey game. - Jim Flaherty

The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf

For there was never yet a philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently. - William Shakespeare

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was that they escaped teething. - Mark Twain

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley

I have a constant sweet tooth, so I like anything from the bakery, like cupcakes, cookies. - Carmen Electra

Thrusting my nose firmly between his teeth, I threw him heavily to the ground on top of me. - Mark Twain

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce

A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out. - George Brett

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. - Walt Disney

Most men would rather have their bellies opened for five hundred dollars than have a tooth pulled for five. - Martin H. Fischer

The best and cheapest dentistry is when the right thing is done extremely well the first time and it lasts. - Unknown

Sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. - Unknown

Many of us are at the 'metallic' age - gold in our teeth, silver in our hair, and lead in our pants. - Unknown

I don't get off on romantic parts. But I often think if I had had my dental work done early on, well, maybe. - Morgan Freeman

All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire. - Theodor Adorno

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. - Harold Wilson

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache. - Garrison Keillor

I like cast iron coated with enamel for longevity and forgiveness if I happen to take my eyes off the prize while pouring Chianti. - Mario Batali

Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty

Zipper: Two rows of unsmiling teeth that often induce laughter in others, especially when inadvertently left open following a trip to the john - Daffynitions joe-ks.com


see also   Aging,  Dentist  &  Religious  Sections
Beautiful Bride - “In-dentured” For Life
Dental Checkup
Dental Plan - Latest Extraction Technology
Dentist Talk
False Teeth
Nice Teeth For All The Crap He Eats
Pet Dentist
Redneck Bird Dogs
Staff Teeth

 

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22-Jan-2021