Hillary’s Baby

Running for President on a pregnant platform


Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant.

She is furious - here she is in the middle of her first run for president, and as Senator of New York this has happened to her.

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming. “How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can’t believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?”

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again, “Did you hear me?”

Finally she hears Bill’s very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, “Who is this?”


QuotaBills
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

Lawyers are natural politicians. - Clarence Darrow

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard

In politics the middle way is none at all. - John Adams

Man is not free unless government is limited. - Ronald Reagan

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Guns have only two enemies - rust and politicians. - Unknown

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

In politics, a lie unanswered becomes truth within 24 hours. - Willie Brown

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

A politician will do anything to keep his job - even become a patriot. - William Randolph

A politician is a man who approaches every problem with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. - Henry Kissinger

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. - George Bernard Shaw

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

The politicians in Washington are spending trillions of dollars of our money. When are Americans going to stand up and say enough is enough? - Joe Wurzelbacher

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


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21-May-2022