Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club’s membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out!
[The following is not intended to offend fans of tennis, basketball, football, or baseball. It is, rather, an attempt to put everything in its proper perspective. However, if you are offended because of your favorite sport, please tell someone who cares...]
Ever wonder why golf is growing in popularity and why people who don’t even play go to tournaments or watch it on TV? The following may shed some light:
1. Golf is an honorable game, with the overwhelming majority of players being honorable people who don’t need referees.
2. Golfers don’t have some of their players in jail every week.
3. Golfers don’t kick dirt on, or throw bottles at, other people.
4. Professional golfers are paid in direct proportion to how well they play.
5. Golfers don’t get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.
6. Golfers don’t hold out for more money, or demand new contracts, because of another player’s deal.
7. Professional golfers don’t demand that the taxpayers pay for the courses on which they play.
8. When golfers make a mistake, nobody is there to cover for them or back them.
9. The PGA raises more money for charity in 1 year than the NFL does in 2.
10. You can watch the best golfers in the world up close, at any tournament, including the majors, all day every day for $25 or $30. The cost for even a nosebleed seat at the Super Bowl costs around $300 or more, unless you buy it from scalpers, in which case it’s $1,000+.
11. You can bring a picnic lunch to the tournament golf course, watch the best in the world, and not spend a small fortune on food and drink. Try that at one of the taxpayer funded baseball or football stadiums. If you bring a soft drink into a ballpark, they’ll give you two options-get rid of it or leave.
12. In golf, you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9 million a season, like the best baseball hitters (300 batting average) do.
13. Golf doesn’t change its rules to attract fans.
14. Golfers have to adapt to an entirely new playing area each week. Golfers keep their clothes on while they are being interviewed.
15. Golf doesn’t have free agency.
16. In their prime, Palmer, Norman, and other stars, would shake your hand and say they were happy to meet you. In his prime, Jose Canseco wore T-shirts that read “Leave Me Alone.”
17. You can hear birds chirping on the golf course during a tournament.
18. At a golf tournament, (unlike at taxpayer-funded sports stadiums and arenas) you won’t hear a steady stream of four letter words and nasty name-calling while you’re hoping that no one spills beer on you.
19. Tiger hits a golf ball over twice as far as Barry Bonds hits a baseball.
20. Golf courses don’t ruin the neighborhood.
Absentee: A missing golfing peg - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player
Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead
Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown
Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown
Teetotaler: A golfer who only keeps track of drives - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros
Are we playing Men's Rules today or do we count every putt? - Unknown
If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer
Real golfers don't cry when they line up their fourth putt. - Unknown
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
Farmers: Men successful only if they sell their farms to golf clubs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey
I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business. - Joey Adams
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. - Gerald R. Ford
One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a man playing golf with his boss. - Unknown
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. - Mark Twain
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones
One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong ball on a golf course. - Unknown
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer
The biggest battle is never on the field, the fairway, the diamond or rink: it's in your mind. - Carey Neuhoff
Don't you just hate it when you try to think of something other than golf... and you can't? - Mike Purkey
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny
The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. - Bob Hope
My parents live in a retirement community, which is basically a minimum-security prison with a golf course. - Joel Warshaw
I'm 42 around the chest, 52 around the waist, 92 around the golf course, and a nuisance around the house. - Groucho Marx
The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. - Ernest Hemingway
The biggest thing is just routine. I think that's the biggest correlation between golfers and basketball players. - Stephen Curry
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. - Tiger Woods
If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump
Golf is a thinking man's game. You can have all the shots in the bag, but if you don't know what to do with them, you've got troubles. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump
see also Golf Section
1940 English Golf Rules
Ambulance Caddy
Aussie Golf
Balls Removed
Beginner’s Golf
Brady Balls
Camo Golf Balls
Corporate Balls
Extreme Golf in Mongolia
Florida Golf Hazard
Golf Ball Resort
Golf Birdie in Hawaii
Golf Break
Golf Gimme
Golf in South America
Golf Language
Golf Like I Do
Golf Potty Putter
Golf Restroom
Golf Rule Changes for Senior Golfers
Golf Wisdom
Golfers and Scotch
Golfer’s Water Hole
High Stakes Golf
Hole In One
Laws Of Golf
Men’s Golf Rules
Navy Golf Course for Aircraft Carriers
Only Need One Golf Ball
Outback Golf Course
PARfect Golf
Senior’s Golf Cart
Son Braggarts on the Golf Course
They Found Your Balls
Voodoo Golf Tree
World’s Hardest Golf Shot
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