Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the
world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string I
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on
3. Whether he made more than $800 per year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to
Why did your Mom marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What’s the difference between Moms and Dad?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s
who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.
Mother's Day greetings from the Joe-kster
I miss you, Mom...
Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack
Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown
For when a child is born the mother also is born again. - Gilbert Parker
Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation. - Robert A. Heinlein
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me. - Antonio Villaraigosa
Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield
We laugh, we cry, we make time fly. We are best friends, my mom and I. - Unknown
No one else, ever, will think you're great the way your mother does. - Mary Matalin
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain
A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy C Fisher
There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. - Joey Adams
My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel
You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost
My mom always said, "Don't say if I make it", say, "When I make it!" - Mariah Carey
My wife hasn't had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of our Lord-only-knows. - Unknown
Modern Pioneer: The mother who manages to get through a rainy Saturday with the T.V. not working - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown
When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. - Woody Allen
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield
There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between a mother and a son. - Unknown
What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple
I'm amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch, yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets. - John Kinnear
Love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark ... to have been loved so deeply ... will give us some protection forever. - J K Rowling
Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law."
WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields
The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word 'Mother', and the most beautiful call is the call of 'My Mother'. - Kahlil Gibran
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
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