Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

How to tell if your car is a lemon


Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.

Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.

Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.

Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.

“Jaws of Life” in trunk.

Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.

Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”

Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.

Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.

Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.

Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.

Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.

Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist

When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”

You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.




QuotaBills
When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade. - Dale Carnegie

When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner

The most sudden and visible good effects were from oranges and lemons. - James Lind

If life gives you a bowl of lemons, go find an annoying guy with paper cuts. - Unknown

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

You know what's got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons. - Archie Bunker

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker

If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler

My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down. - George Carlin

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


see also   Car  Section
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Car-nage
Car Plunge
Car Surgeon
CarGo Loads
Cartographer
Dent Stop
Dent Wizard
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Foiled Again
Follow The Leader
Ford Quadricycle
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
Harrison Ford
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
Move Over
New Mechanic
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Cadillac
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
Seatbelt Extender
See Through Van
Shimmy Car-nage
Sidecar
SideCar Illusion
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Totaled Toyota
Tractor Car
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Vintage Campers
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice

 

Coke's Special Ingredients

Weather Warning

Freedom At Last

Ebola Can Be Eaten

Open Face Sandwich

Busted Politician

Balanced Diet

African Wheelbarrow

Drain Swimmer

Just In Thyme

Tie Wrap Bumper

Mexican Salad Dressing

Leaning Bookshelves

Shrunk Jeep

Quarantine Garden

Casualty Way

Painfull Skydive

You Are Grounded

Discrimination

Mountain Flock
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

02-Apr-2020