Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack
Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The most sudden and visible good effects were from oranges and lemons. - James Lind
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push. - Rodney Dangerfield
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
You know what's got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons. - Archie Bunker
It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown
The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker
They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright
My husband is so good at home repairs that they have a special VIP area for him in the emergency room. - Unknown
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
It's much easier to double your business by doubling your conversion rate than doubling your traffic. - Bryan Eisenberg
Poverty: 1. A state of mind sometimes induced by a neighbour's new car; 2. One thing that money can't buy. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Do you think you're safe in a car with your seatbelt on? Dream on. My friend thought so. Now she's pregnant. - Anke Engelke
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty
If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 2,000 MPG. - Bill Gates
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Follow The Leader
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
See Through Van
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
ACME Pumpkin Carving
Getting It To Work
Halloween Night 1914
Halloween Beer Dispenser
Spooky Halloween House
Halloween Pit Bull
Just Two Buddies Hanging Out