A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.
Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: “More than just a great place to die.”
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “the man goes on top and the woman underneath.” For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
I don’t exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.
I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
I said to my husband, “Why don’t you call out my name when we are making love?”
He said, “I don’t want to wake you up.”
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, “Get the hell off my property.”
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.
You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.
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