Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says
to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”
“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”
“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”
“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”
“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman
Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman
I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush
Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno
I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Would. - Unknown
Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb
My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman
I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore
Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman
A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown
We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush
Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno
I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
A little House well fill'd, a little Field well till'd, and a little Wife well will'd, are great Riches. - Benjamin Franklin
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield
see also Marriage Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman
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06-Dec-2019 |