Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says
to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”
“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”
“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”
“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”
“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”
My wife gives good headache. - Rodney Dangerfield
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown
Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum
The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler
Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges
Second Marriage: The triumph of hope over experience. - Samuel Johnson
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has not pleasure. - Samuel Johnson
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller
There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington
A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen
My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield
The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries
Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx
The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant
The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle
Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. - Woody Allen
Marriage is too interesting an experiment to be tried only once or twice. - Eva Gabor
Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles
I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Irwin Corey
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. - Irish Proverb
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain
Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad's payroll - and on to his wife's - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash
When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx
A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown
Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum
The main business of a lawyer is to take the romance, the mystery, the irony, the ambiguity out of everything he touches. - Antonin Scalia
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
While some pain is probably inevitable in all relationships, successful couples are usually the ones who are able to forgive. - Ilona Boniwell
It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose
One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton
see also Marriage Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman
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