Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says
to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”
“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”
“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”
“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”
“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller
The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta
Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty
If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman
Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller
The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde
I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle
A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx
In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud
Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters
Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. - E. Joseph Cossman
Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman
I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta
Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty
If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman
Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck
Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert
My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng
A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash
A man with a career can have no time to waste upon his wife and friends; he has to devote it wholly to his enemies. - John Hobbes
My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx
see also Marriage Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman
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27-Feb-2020 |