Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”

QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - Unknown

There are plenty more fish in the sea. - English Proverb

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity. - Albert Einstein

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Governing a large country is like frying a small fish. You spoil it with too much poking. - Lao-Tzu

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

I can remember when Democrats believed that it was the duty of America to fight for freedom over tyranny. - Zell Miller

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime. - Chinese Proverb

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

The Republicans have all of the cards. And this is the time to get rid of Obamacare. This is the time to make the great deal. - Donald Trump

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H L Mencken

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

see also Fishing & Political Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

26-Feb-2020