Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

There's always a bigger fish. - Qui-Gon Jinn

Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

The Republicans aren't the only ones who want four more years. - Unknown

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. - Lewis Black

It's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings. - Kurt Cobain

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream. - WC Fields

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat. - Jackie Kennedy

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

American Politics: A form of socialism for the rich, including the politicians. - Gregory Nunn

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. - George Bernard Shaw

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat? - Dave Turner

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. - Oscar Levant

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. - Dave Barry

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H L Mencken

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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24-Oct-2020