Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Voting is a civic sacrament. - Theodore Hesburgh

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

Holy Mackerel: Fish served at Church supper - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

One can think of life after the fish is in the canoe. - Hawaii Proverb

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal. - Emma Goldman

Retire to what? I already play golf and fish for a living. - Julius Boros

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

You don't get fired for cheating, you get fired for losing. - Darryl Rogers

Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future. - Jimmy Carter

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

Politics is a profession where the paths of glory lead but to the gravy. - Billy Boy Franklin

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Politics is for people who have a passion for changing life but lack a passion for living it. - Tom Robbins

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime. - Chinese Proverb

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds. - John P Barlow

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. - Oscar Levant

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

Our future cannot depend on the government alone. The ultimate solutions lie in the attitudes and the actions of the American people. - Joe Biden

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
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23-Jan-2022