Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is local. - Thomas P O'Neil

Politics makes strange postmasters. - Kin Hubbard

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Feudalism: It's your Count that votes - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Electric Eel: Fish that thrives in strong currents - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

At high tide, fish eat ants; at low tide, ants eat fish. - Thai Saying

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. - Lewis Black

Ideal Summer Resort: A place where fish bite and mosquitoes don't - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A lawyer is an odd sort of fish, first rotten, then green, then ripe. - Robert Christy

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

If I don't get along with Democrats, I'm sort of, like, out of business. - Donald Trump

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. - Harry S Truman

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard

Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat? - Dave Turner

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

The largest party in America is neither the Democrats nor the Republicans. It's the party of non-voters. - Robert Reich

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens. - Bill Murray

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote. - Benjamin Franklin

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it was stupid. - Albert Einstein


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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05-Jul-2022