Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

Thinking isn't agreeing or disagreeing. That's voting. - Robert Frost

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. - Mort Sahl

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. - Robert Frost

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. - Leo Rosten

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election. - Earl Wilson

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

The single most exciting thing you encounter in government is competence, because it's so rare. - Daniel P Moynihan

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. - Franklin D Roosevelt

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - Plato

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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18-Feb-2020