Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Some cheat by not cheating. - Baltasar Gracian

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Thinking isn't agreeing or disagreeing. That's voting. - Robert Frost

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules - politics has no rules. - Ross Perot

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal. - Frank Dane

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. - Leo Rosten

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street. - Kin Hubbard

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. All sin is easy after that. - Pearl Bailey

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish. - Sam Snead

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

When you are right, you cannot be too radical. When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime. - Chinese Proverb

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

Harold MacMillan is a very intelligent man, who, as so often happens in politics, achieved supreme power too late. - Malcolm Muggeridge

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

Fishing Trip: Journey undertaken by one or more anglers to a place where no one can remember when it has rained so much - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them. - Mark Twain


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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25-Sep-2020