Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Fishing Show: Reel-life TV. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Paraffins: Found on sides of fish - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

Love is the net where hearts are caught like fish. - Muhammad Ali

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

One can think of life after the fish is in the canoe. - Hawaii Proverb

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

At high tide, fish eat ants; at low tide, ants eat fish. - Thai Saying

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own. - Frank Dane

Mermaid: 1. A deep she fish; 2. A bottomless girl in a topless suit. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Ideal Summer Resort: A place where fish bite and mosquitoes don't - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? - Douglas Adams

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

Officialese: A government language where you can understand the words, but not the sentences - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat? - Dave Turner

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. - James Bovard

The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow. - Jim Hightower

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. - Doug Larson

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. - Dave Barry

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. - Thomas Jefferson

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

It was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men, Laurel and Hardy. - Ronnie Corbett

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. - Oscar Ameringer

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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19-May-2022