Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Intelligence has nothing to do with politics. - Londo Molari

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Love is the net where hearts are caught like fish. - Muhammad Ali

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

If men were angels, no government would be necessary. - James Madison

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. - Mark Twain

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now. - Mort Sahl

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

I don't really get romance. Bring me fish or moose, not flowers. - Eden Robinson

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. - Leo Rosten

Don't be a fish; be a frog. Swim in the water and jump when you hit ground. - Kim Young-ha

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat? - Dave Turner

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center. - Jon Stewart

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. - G. Gordon Liddy

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Unless he doesn't like sushi, then you also have to teach him to cook. - Auren Hoffman

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. - Ernest Hemingway

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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03-Dec-2020