As the poet said, “Only God can make a tree” - probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Being bisexual doubles your chance of a date on Saturday night.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out my nose.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.
I can’t listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody’s.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, and you travel a lot.
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Love is the answer - but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to be a hundred.
Woody Allen Quotes (Database)
Custer's Last Stand?
Hand Held Tourist
Second Hand Work
Ostrich Fill Up
Reach For Your Dreams
Jeopardy Measuring Cup
All We Have To Do Is Stand Up
Chinese Puzzle Car
Always Give 100% At Work
My Toaster Is Broken