Stabity Stab Stab
Fighting a losing cause with whatever you’ve got

A young soldier, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn’t have a rifle.
“That’s no problem, son,” said the sergeant. “Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go ‘Bangety Bang Bang’.”
“But what about a bayonet, Sarge?” asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. “Here, use this... just go, ‘Stabity Stab Stab’.”

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. “Bangety Bang Bang!” The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!” He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. “Bangety Bang Bang!” shouts the recruit.
The German keeps coming.
“Bangety Bang Bang!” repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!”

It’s no use. The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says...
“Tankety Tank Tank.”


What happens when both sides have no weapons...

QuotaBills
An army marches on its stomach. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. - The Godfather

Police do not belong in war zones. - Daniel K Moran

Love is a kind of military service. - Ovid

In war, truth is the first casualty. - Aeschylus

A man-of-war is the best ambassador. - Oliver Cromwell

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. - Henry David Thoreau

How is it possible to have a civil war? - George Carlin

Don't win a battle and lose the war. - Unknown

If we don't end war, war will end us. - H G Wells

In war there is no second prize for the runner-up. - Omar Bradley

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. - Ambrose Bierce

Hunting: the least honorable form of war on the weak. - Paul Richard

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. - H L Mencken

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. - Marechal Ferdinand Foch

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

France has lost the battle, but France has not lost the war. - Charles de Gaulle

War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it. - Desiderius Erasmus

A conquering army on the border will not be stopped by eloquence. - Otto von Bismarck

When starting and waging war it is not right that matters, but victory. - Adolf Hitler

It was so hot today I saw a pigeon walking in the shadow of Orson Welles. - Johnny Carson

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon. - Phillip Pullman

If you have a gun you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank you can rob everyone. - Unknown

He's talking another war, an old war, ya know, 1812, the one between the states. - Archie Bunker

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

If it weren't for the Japanese and Germans, we wouldn't have any good war movies. - Stanley Ross

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

If you really believe in the message you're preaching, you want as many people as possible to listen. - Mark Batterson

There is no better coach than life: you attend class everyday; all you have to do is listen to the message. - Carl Hennegan

In July of 2004, I came out strongly against the war with Iraq because it was going to destabilize the Middle East. - Donald Trump

To an entrepreneur, closing a financing often feels like the end of a marathon. It's actually the starting gun. - Andy Dunn

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

Only think of two things - the gun and the tape. When you hear the one, just run like hell until you break the other. - Sam Mussabini

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

I find capitalism repugnant. It is filthy, it is gross, it is alienating... because it causes war, hypocrisy and competition. - Fidel Castro

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. - Jay Leno

Once we have a war there is only one thing to do. It must be won. For defeat brings worse things than any that can ever happen in war. - Ernest Hemingway

I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. - Yasser Arafat


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15-May-2021