Exhausting Gyne Work

Top marks for pulling out a car engine


A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.

When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.

“How could that be?” he asked.

“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”


QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli

Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb

You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen

Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham

Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

Instead of letting your hardships and failures discourage or exhaust you, let them inspire you. - Michelle Obama

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers

Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair

When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman


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23-Oct-2020