A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Instead of letting your hardships and failures discourage or exhaust you, let them inspire you. - Michelle Obama
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I could eat my body weight in sushi. - Mikey Way
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. - Carrie Snow
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like muscles of the body. - Lynn Jennings
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. - Jane Austen
Warm Water Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Cookie: The standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
Instead of letting your hardships and failures discourage or exhaust you, let them inspire you. - Michelle Obama
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. - George Carlin
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
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23-Oct-2020 |