A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran
As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
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