A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
The most exhausting thing in life is insincerity. - Anne M Lindbergh
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette
The word 'hackathon' was born out of 'marathon' for a reason. It's exhausting. - Neil Blumenthal
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
For a desperate disease, a desperate cure. - Latin Proverb
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
The most exhausting thing in life is insincerity. - Anne M Lindbergh
A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E Leonard
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled. - Red Skelton
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
My tastes are not those of the king, who has none, except for hunting and mechanic's labour. - Marie Antoinette
The word 'hackathon' was born out of 'marathon' for a reason. It's exhausting. - Neil Blumenthal
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
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Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
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26-May-2022 |