A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
The word 'hackathon' was born out of 'marathon' for a reason. It's exhausting. - Neil Blumenthal
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A canter is the cure for all evil. - Benjamin Disraeli
Society is a hospital of incurables. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. - Danny Zuker
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for. - Irish Proverb
You can't cure stupid, but you can sedate it. - Unknown
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind. - Thomas Jefferson
I have the body of an 18-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Of all ills that one endures, hope is a cheap and universal cure. - Abraham Cowley
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee
Smart people that like good health spend several hours outdoors daily in the shade of trees. - Steven Magee
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
The word 'hackathon' was born out of 'marathon' for a reason. It's exhausting. - Neil Blumenthal
I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
They have gun control in Cuba. They have universal health care in Cuba. So why do they want to come here? - Paul Harvey
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Health is your greatest wealth, so experiencing a marathon and seeing what you're capable of is really special. - Christy Turlington
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
There's a belonging problem in Hollywood. Who dictates who belongs? The very body who dictates that looks all one way. - Ava DuVernay
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
Behind my smile is a broken heart; behind my laugh I'm falling apart; behind my eyes are tears at night; behind my body is a soul trying to fight. - Unknown
Our food pyramid, the kind of diet that is constantly promoted, is completely warped. It's not based around anything to do with healing your body. - Jessica Origliasso
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
 Pocket Change |  2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |  Welcome to Texas, USPS |  Not Without A Washer |  Jogger's Weight Scale |
 Toilet Snake |  Eye Testing In Progress |  Parent Signature |  Long Bore Gun |  Bird Cam |
 Lost Wormhole |  Where Weir'd Frogmen Jump In |  Low Ceiling Workout |  Dog Diner |  Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners |
 Cow Farts |  Revenge |  Gaping Hole Costume |  Redneck Water Skiing |  Harrison Ford |
19-Jan-2021 |