A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The word 'hackathon' was born out of 'marathon' for a reason. It's exhausting. - Neil Blumenthal
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
The No. 1 cause of bankruptcies is medical bills. - Michael Moore
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
There is no cure for death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton
He who enjoys good health is rich, though he knows it not. - Italian Proverb
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea. - Isak Dinesen
Document: Repeating what your Doctor told you in your own words - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
In these times, God's people must trust him for rest of body and soul. - David Wilkerson
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett
I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield
My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts. - Tyler Oakley
Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders
You have to look for teachers. If you want to be a mechanic, go hang out with mechanics. - Robert Kiyosaki
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust
Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I
Music Lover: A man, who upon hearing a soprano in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
The world was made for the body. The body was made for the soul. And the soul was made for God. - Ravi Zacharias
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The word 'hackathon' was born out of 'marathon' for a reason. It's exhausting. - Neil Blumenthal
What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. - Mark Twain
Perfect freedom is as necessary to the health and vigor of commerce as it is to the health and vigor of citizenship. - Patrick Henry
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
It's a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. - Dave Barry
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
I pray for forgiveness. For help and guidance. To be a better person. For the health of my family. For the world to be a better place. - Tyson Fury
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. - Jenny Eclair
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
In other industries, value is defined by the ultimate stakeholder - the one who benefits, or not, from the service. We should do the same in medicine. - Dave deBronkart
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
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06-Jul-2020 |