A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman
The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet
I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel
There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan
After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb
Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body. - Seneca
A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott
I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder
Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney
You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C S Lewis
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer
If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan
Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome
There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell
A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh
I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi
I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio
If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken
I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright
I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain
see also Car, Doctor & Mechanical Sections
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Car Surgeon
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
First Proctologist Exam (PG)
German Flatulence Control
Japanese Diving Platform
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
 Open Air Reader |  Vacation At Last |  Cutting Edge Delivery |  Sunset Eclipse |  Diet Swing |
 Lamp Escape |  Strong Straws |  Lucky Spectator |  Breadlace |  I Think I'll Hold It |
 Instant Coffee Tragedy |  Cow Camouflage |  Room For Two |  Neandertallica |  Key-o-Saurus |
 Pure Maple Syrup |  Dentist Drill |  Wife Consumption |  Dog Proctologist |  Vintage Birth Control |
05-Dec-2019 |