A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.
When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.
“How could that be?” he asked.
“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
The most exhausting thing in life is insincerity. - Anne M Lindbergh
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or the acting like you know what you're doing. - Jim Gaffigan
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin
Deliver: An organ in de body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Maternity Hospital: An heirport - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Anatomical: Joe-ks about the body - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
Happiness is health and a short memory. - Unknown
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen
I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
Psychoanalysis is the disease it claims to cure. - Karl Kraus
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
The most exhausting thing in life is insincerity. - Anne M Lindbergh
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
For broken dreams, the cure is dream again; and deeper. - C S Lewis
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go. - Bill Watterson
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell
Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn
Food for the body is not enough. There must be food for the soul. - Dorothy Day
Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter
Medicine is only for those who cannot imagine doing anything else. - Luanda Grazette
There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke
If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale
A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh
Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke
The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
It is not the body's posture, but the heart's attitude that counts when we pray. - Billy Graham
Seafood is one of the easiest things to digest - a bratwurst is really hard on the body. - Joey Chestnut
Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener
My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
I've just become a pensioner so I've started saving up for my own hospital trolley. - Tom Baker
My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter
If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman
Twists are wonderful for whittling your waist, stretching your back, and detoxifying the body. - Mandy Ingber
Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. The body sticks to the facts. - Alice Miller
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger
I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too. - Unknown
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones
The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Even if you don't have time for a big workout, stretching in the morning and night really changes your body. - Erin Heatherton
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear. - Daniel Defoe
Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
We are, as a species, addicted to story. Even when the body goes to sleep, the mind stays up all night, telling itself stories. - John Gottschall
A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown
Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or the acting like you know what you're doing. - Jim Gaffigan
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner
When a woman puts on a heel, she has a different posture, a different attitude. She really stands up and has a consciousness of her body. - Christian Louboutin
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
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