Jewish Samurai

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

“Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
“What a feat!” said the Emperor.

“Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do.”
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!
“That is skill!” nodded the Emperor.

“How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”
Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and * Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead, schmead,” replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!”

QuotaBills
Hire character. Train skill. - Peter Schutz

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero

Skill and confidence are an unconquered army. - George Herbert

Thanks, Darth Obvious. Or is it Emperor Palpable? - Chuck Wendig

Years fly by, but the heart stays in the same place. - Harlan Coben

I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford

Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks

The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

You don't put skill on like a coat - you build it day by day. - Unknown

If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders

Logic is like the sword – those who appeal to it shall perish by it. - Edward Gibbon

Tea should be as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a two-edged sword. - Lemony Snicket

Luke, I don't want to lose you to the Emperor the way I lost Vader. - Obi Wan Kenobi

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

Wit is a sword; it is meant to make people feel the point as well as see it. - G K Chesterton

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

Success is a two-bladed golden sword - it knights one and stabs one at the same time. - Mae West

Man's chief enemy is his own unruly nature and the dark forces pent up within him. - Ernst Jones

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it. - David S Jordan

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg

There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt. - John Adams

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw

The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost

As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather, so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill. - Helen Keller

Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know so it goes flying anyway. - Mary Kay Ash

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Misfortunes, untoward events, lay open, disclose the skill of a general, while success conceals his weakness, his weak points. - Horace

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble. - Helen Keller

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

"Underlings should always be uncomfortable in the presence of their superiors," said the Emperor. "Don't you agree?" - Paul S. Kemp

The chief ingredients in the composition of those qualities that gain esteem and praise, are good nature, truth, good sense, and good breeding. - Joseph Addison

see also Armed Forces, Medical & Nationality Sections
Bread Shortage for Jewish Customer
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Jewish Fire Department
Jewish Holiday
Jewish Humour
Jewish Mother-In-Law
Portable Samurai
Samurai Sudoku

16-Feb-2020