Jewish Samurai
Search for the new Chief Samurai

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

“Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
“What a feat!” said the Emperor.

“Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do.”
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!
“That is skill!” nodded the Emperor.

“How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”
Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and * Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead, schmead,” replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!”



QuotaBills
If I cannot fly, let me sing. - Stephen Sondheim

The pen is mightier than the sword. - Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Wiping out is an underappreciated skill. - Laird Hamilton

Why, when I am talking, does time seem to fly? - Bob Grant

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. - Will Rogers

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

The bird who dares to fall is the bird who learns to fly. - Unknown

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it. - John F Kennedy

If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down. - Roy T Bennett

I'm not a Jew. I'm Jewish. I don't go the whole hog. - Jonathan Miller

You don't put skill on like a coat - you build it day by day. - Unknown

Marketing and innovation are the two chief functions of business. - Peter F Drucker

If the lambs were flying, wolves would have also the wings to fly. - Mehmet M Ildan

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. - Alfred Adler

On average it takes 10,000 hours of practice to truly master a skill. - Malcolm Gladwell

For those determined to fly, having no wings is just a little detail. - Unknown

Luke, I don't want to lose you to the Emperor the way I lost Vader. - Obi Wan Kenobi

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of the time. - John S Mill

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Giving your son a skill is better than giving him one thousand pieces of gold. - Chinese Proverb

Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. - Mary Hirsch

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

The chief aim of wisdom is to enable one to bear with the stupidity of the ignorant. - Winston Churchill

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Man's chief enemy is his own unruly nature and the dark forces pent up within him. - Ernst Jones

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle

This is the real enemy, the invader from the East, the Druze, the ruffian, the oriental parasite; in a word: the Jew. - George Bernard Shaw

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Misfortunes, untoward events, lay open, disclose the skill of a general, while success conceals his weakness, his weak points. - Horace

Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb

"Underlings should always be uncomfortable in the presence of their superiors," said the Emperor. "Don't you agree?" - Paul S. Kemp

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi


see also   Armed Forces,   Medical  &  Nationality  Sections
Bread Shortage for Jewish Customer
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Jewish Fire Department
Jewish Holiday
Jewish Humour
Jewish Mother-In-Law
Portable Samurai
Samurai Sudoku

 

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29-Jun-2022