Noah's 2021 Ark

Updating life's building codes


In the year 2021, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark.

“Noah!,” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?”

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit.”

“I’ve been arguing with the boat inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.”

“Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!”

“When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”

“The Immigration Department is checking the visa status of most of the people who want to work.”

“The trade unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.”

“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.”


QuotaBills
Man is incurably religious. - Ravi Zacharias

Without God life makes no sense. - Andrei Bitov

God forgive you, but I never can. - Elizabeth I

God is like a skilful Geometrician. - Sir Thomas Browne

Faith is trust in ultimate meaning. - Viktor Frankl

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

By night an atheist half believes in God. - Edward Young

Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God. - Thomas Jefferson

Trust in God, but tether your camel at night. - Jack Ryan

God heales, and the Physitian hath the thankes. - George Herbert

You go to heaven. God sneezes. What do you say? - Peter Houppermans

I should not believe in a God who does not dance. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Chocolate: God's apology to women for periods. - Unknown

Jesus was a hiker. The wilderness was His retreat. - Toni Sorenson

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. - Unknown

God is at home, it's we who have gone out for a walk. - Meister Eckhart

Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays. - Soren Kierkegaard

My sole concern has been to save myself by work and faith. - Jean-Paul Sartre

When we cannot trace God's hand we can trust His heart. - Charles H. Spurgeon

Don't be afraid to pray big prayers, we serve a big God. - Unknown

Prayer is the inheritance we receive and the legacy we leave. - Mark Batterson

Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory. - Norman Vincent Peale

Faith is not just something you have, it's something you do. - Barack Obama

God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December. - James M Barrie

Where hope would otherwise become hopelessness, it becomes faith. - Robert Brault

We see only a fragment of life at a time, but God sees the whole. - David Jeremiah

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham

If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? - Benjamin Franklin

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore

If you have the smile of God, all other frowns are inconsequential. - Tim Keller

If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory. - William Hazlitt

We are saved by faith alone, but the faith that saves is never alone. - Martin Luther

To be born in India is to arrive into the world swimming in religion. - Ravi Zacharias

The kingdom of God always appears upside down to the human perspective. - David Jeremiah

The one thing we owe absolutely to God is never to be afraid of anything. - Charles de Foucauld

Only faith in Christ gives rise to a culture contrary to egotism and death. - Pope John Paul II

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

God gets you to the plate, but once you're there you're on your own. - Ted Williams

A blank piece of paper is God's way of telling us how hard it is to be God. - Sidney Sheldon

Never, never, never join a movement that persecutes people because of their faith. - Adrian Rodgers

There's a difference between an intellectual faith and a personal, heart faith. - Billy Graham

Observe good faith and justice toward all nations. Cultivate peace and harmony with all. - George Washington

The value of persistent prayer is not that he will hear us, but that we will finally hear him. - William McGill

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. - Josh Billings

Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay

Start a huge, foolish project like Noah. It makes absolutely no difference what people think of you. - Rumi

Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them. - Vincent McNabb

If I were ever prosecuted for my religion, I truly hope there would be enough evidence to convict me. - John Wooden

Most people have some sort of religion, at least they know which church they're staying away from. - John Erskine

We cannot embrace God's forgiveness if we are so busy clinging to past wounds and nursing old grudges. - T D Jakes

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. - Mark 10:25

He that takes truth for his guide, and duty for his end, may safely trust to God's providence to lead him aright. - Blaise Pascal

More than anything else, prayer enables you to see your own heart and brings you into alignment with God's heart. - Ravi Zacharias

"I am who I am", said God to Moses regarding His name, because none was worth to be compared to His godhead. - Toba Beta

Giving is more than a responsibility - it is a privilege; more than an act of obedience - it is evidence of our faith. - William A Ward

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

If God has given you a message, go and give it to the people as God has given it to you. It is a stupid thing to try to be eloquent. - Dwight L. Moody

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. - Unknown

The music that really turns me on is either running toward God or away from God. Both recognize the pivot, that God is at the center of the jaunt. - Bono

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. - Bible


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22-Apr-2021