[This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log
of Sarasota, Florida…]
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice: “I have a gun, and I know how to use it. Get out of the car!”
The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why - for the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat... A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
Old age is life's parody. - Simone de Beauvoir
I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown
I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu
Give your stress wings and let it fly away. - Gerri Guillemets
Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet
Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren
The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. - Maurice Chevalier
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber
The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow. - Proverb
Police Station: A place where sleeping is all right in a pinch - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson
Old age comes on suddenly, and not gradually as is first thought. - Emily Dickinson
Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age. - Christopher Morley
The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young. - Oscar Wilde
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison
Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin
Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams
Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson
The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. - Ronnie Corbett
The police feel that most of the public are against them and that there is a lot of bad feeling. - Peter James
A police force, wherever they are, is made up of amazing people, and I respect them a great deal. - Nancy McKeon
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson
In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the post, we have arrived. - Knut Hamsun
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown
One should never make one's debut in a scandal. One should reserve that to give interest to one's old age. - Oscar Wilde
Transformation also means looking for ways to stop pushing yourself so hard professionally or inviting so much stress. - Gail Sheehy
Aging: 1. A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible; 2. A one-way street with no stoplights. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
see also Aging & Police Sections
Aging Cyclist
Aging Mermaid
Bird Walker
Boy Scout Scooter
Camel Walkers
Cold One
Dance While You Can
Dear Crossing
Elderly Rocker
Florida’s Retired Bikers
Grandma’s Controller
Harley Half Ton
iPhone Dock
It’s Never Too Late, Harley
Jogging Bike
Just Like Grandpa
Newfie Senior Scooter
Once A Kid, Always A Kid
Onward, My Noble Steed!
Racing Grandpa
Scooter Down
Scooter Duo
Scooter Races
Seatbelt Extender
Senior’s Paddle Surfboard
Snow Tires for Seniors
Treadmill Workout
Walker Buddies
 In Step Horse |  Finger Olympics |  Cow Licks |  Dog Distress |  Mate Attraction |
 Dark Room |  Lineup For Dinner |  Redneck Furnace |  Traffic Sign Art |  A Dog's Worst Nightmare |
 Garage Door Art |  Kellogg's Fire |  Teenage Independence |  Parasite Trivia |  Bobslide Event |
 Scooter Races |  Bull Squirrel |  Wife Consumption |  Chinese Shoelusion |  Craneception |
27-Jul-2021 |