[This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log
of Sarasota, Florida…]
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice: “I have a gun, and I know how to use it. Get out of the car!”
The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why - for the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat... A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.
She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
To stop aging, keep on raging. - Michael Forbes
Old age is no place for sissies. - Bette Davis
Police do not belong in war zones. - Daniel K Moran
If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel. - Unknown
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul. - Douglas MacArthur
The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller
Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. - Daniel F E Auber
I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin
Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age. - Christopher Morley
Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. - Francis Bacon
Sure I'm for helping the elderly. I'm going to be old myself some day. - Lillian Carter
The police are not here to create disorder, they;re here to preserve disorder. - Richard J Daley
How incessant and great are the ills with which a prolonged old age is replete. - C S Lewis
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
Stress depletes willpower, which diminishes your ability to control those emotions. - Roy F Baumeister
Man should not try to avoid stress any more than he would shun food, love, or exercise. - Hans Selye
Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young. - Fred Astaire
There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. - John Mortimer
Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle
Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley
Aging is the extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been. - David Bowie
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
Police officers may drive black and white cars, however what goes on in their job is a lot of gray. - Arik Matson
The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit. - Jason Love
To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age. - Thomas Bailey Aldrich
I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn
Autumn is really the best of the seasons; and I'm not sure that old age isn't the best part of life. - C S Lewis
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife. - Ilie Nastase
I'm being kidnapped by a comforter, sheet and pillow. No need to call the police for I will be released by morning. - Unknown
Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott
Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold you have escaped, not from one master, but from many. - Plato
When you have police officers who abuse citizens, you erode public confidence in law enforcement. That makes the job of good police officers unsafe. - Mary F Berry
see also Aging & Police Sections
Aging Cyclist
Aging Mermaid
Bird Walker
Boy Scout Scooter
Camel Walkers
Cold One
Dance While You Can
Dear Crossing
Elderly Rocker
Florida’s Retired Bikers
Grandma’s Controller
Harley Half Ton
iPhone Dock
It’s Never Too Late, Harley
Jogging Bike
Just Like Grandpa
Newfie Senior Scooter
Once A Kid, Always A Kid
Onward, My Noble Steed!
Racing Grandpa
Scooter Down
Scooter Duo
Scooter Races
Seatbelt Extender
Senior’s Paddle Surfboard
Snow Tires for Seniors
Treadmill Workout
Walker Buddies
 The Great Depression |  Divorce Defined |  Paint Ladder |  Spanish Restrooms |  First Computer Cursor |
 Arsenic Wafers |  Car Surgeon |  Rust-ic Truck |  Aisle Cleanup |  Camouflage Garage |
 World's First Laser Pointer |  Patio Losers |  Tetris Cake |  Tower of Hammocks |  Dead Batteries |
 Cheers! |  Roger That |  What Day Is It? |  Blinker Fluid |  Temple Car |
13-Aug-2020 |