A patient steps into the proctologist’s office for his first exam. The Doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down and began observing the tools. He noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the Doctor finally came in the man said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”
At that the Doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse... “Darnit, Catherine - I said a BUTT LIGHT!”
The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima
If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughan
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott
If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. - Ricky Williams
President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
I left as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. - Billy Connolly
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V
Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown
I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
A college education shows a man how little other people know. - T.C. Hailburton
There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini
That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald
Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart
There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima
If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver
Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet. - Richard M Nixon
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail
With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin
I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer
I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood
I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell
I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughan
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott
If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. - Ricky Williams
President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall
see also Doctor Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist
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06-Apr-2020 |