Redneck Engineering Exam

Cheat Sheet from a smart Redneck college student


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) ’66 Ford Fairlane B) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
* For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

11. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

How Rednecks succeed at College

QuotaBills
Cardiology: The study of poker playing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Architecture begins where engineering ends. - Walter Gropius

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

I graduated first in my class from alibi school. - Jeffrey McDaniel

I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal

The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

The true test of leadership is how well you function in a crisis. - Brian Tracy

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

Your best self shows up only when you are put to an impossible test. - Unknown

The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. - Henry Brightman

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer

I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson

I will study and prepare myself… and someday my chance will come. - Abraham Lincoln

One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised. - Chinua Achebe

The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. - Albert Einstein

Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first and the lesson after. - Vernon S Law

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards. - Mark Twain

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun

One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. - Marcel Pagnol

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

There are advantages to being President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. - Ronald Reagan

A convention is a splendid place to study human nature. Man in a crowd is quite a different creature than man acting alone. - William Jennings Bryan

NASA scientists have been studying giraffe skin so they can apply what they learn from it to the construction of spacesuits. - Joanna Lumley

If you study a subject every day, for one hour a day, for five days a week - in five years you will become an expert in that area. - Earl Nightingale

You don't have to be a genius or a visionary or even a college graduate to be successful. You just need a framework and a dream. - Michael Dell

Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. - Unknown

Historically the family has played the primary role in educating children for life, with the school providing supplemental scaffolding to the family. - Stephen Covey

All of my friends who have younger siblings who are going to college or high school - my number one piece of advice is: You should learn how to program. - Mark Zuckerberg

To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it. - Bertrand Russell

In school, many of us procrastinate and then successfully cram for tests. We get the grades and degrees we need to get the jobs we want, even if we fail to get a good general education. - Stephen Covey

Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. - Muhammad Ali


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05-Mar-2021