Redneck Engineering Exam

Cheat Sheet from a smart Redneck college student


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) ’66 Ford Fairlane B) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
* For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?

11. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

How Rednecks succeed at College

QuotaBills
Cardiology: The study of poker playing - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Adversity tests a man's true character. - Unknown

Death and taxes are unsolved engineering problems. - Romana Machado

Study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill

Those who go to college and never get out are called professors. - George Givot

Your best self shows up only when you are put to an impossible test. - Unknown

Walking has been ridiculous in college basketball the past 15 years. - Bobby Knight

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer

To acquire knowledge one must study. To acquire wisdom one must observe. - Marilyn Vos Savant

The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart. - Robert Ingersoll

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

I study myself more than any other subject. That is my metaphysics, that is my physics, - Michel de Montaigne

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

This is the first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. - William Lyon Phelps

Here is a test to find out whether your mission on earth is finished: If you are alive, it isn't. - Richard Bach

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I used the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. - Fred Allen

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

I will only hire someone to work directly for me if I would work for that person. It's a pretty good test. - Mark Zuckerberg

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can't be learned at school. - Haruki Murakami

Not every puzzle is intended to be solved. Some are in place to test your limits. Others are, in fact, not puzzles at all. - Vera Nazarian

I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

In the real world, the smartest people are people who make mistakes and learn. In school, the smartest people don't make mistakes. - Robert T Kiyosaki

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt

When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. - Corrie Ten Boom

Hypothesis: 1. First thing a Redneck teenager says to his father on the phone; 2. Hippo, horse; thesis, placing: putting something on a horse. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux

All of my friends who have younger siblings who are going to college or high school - my number one piece of advice is: You should learn how to program. - Mark Zuckerberg

If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews

I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays and have things arranged for them that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas. - Agatha Christie

As an adult and a parent, when I'm not acting, I'm not acting. I'm being a parent, and I'm on the school run, and I'm sewing labels onto socks. - Kate Winslet

School is learning things you don't want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn't know, while working toward a future you don't know will ever come. - Dave Kellett

To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it. - Bertrand Russell

For one human being to love another - that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks: the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. - Rainer M Riike

A motorcycle functions entirely in accordance with the laws of reason, and a study of the art of motorcycle maintenance is really a miniature study of the art of rationality itself. - Robert M. Pirsig

When Satan tempts a person, it is a solicitation to disobedience. When acted upon, it brings harm. When God tests a person, it is a solicitation to obedience. When acted upon, it brings blessings. - Tony Cooke


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22-Oct-2021