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“I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied
the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” Water To Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car. The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why, of course,” comes the reply. The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a
Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to
see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Lost At Sea
Two Irishmen,
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the
matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The
genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the
gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have
to pee in the boat.” I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong The Irish are a very popular race - with themselves. - Brendan Behan I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford An Irishman's heart is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch. - James Boswell The heart of an Irishman is nothing but his imagination. - George Bernard Shaw I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt. - Edna O'Brien There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt Like an Irishman's obligation, all on the one side, and always yours. - English saying What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe If you put an Irishman on a spit, you can always get another Irishman to baste him. - George Bernard Shaw My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard Irish boomerang: It doesn't come back, it just sings sad songs about how much it wants to. - Unknown I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. - William Butler Yeats The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison That's the Irish people all over - they treat a joke as a serious thing, and a serious thing as a joke. - Sean O'Casey I'm a big fan of the Irish accent. After a couple of drinks, I start to get a bit of an Irish lilt, too. - Emily Ratajkowski If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien see also Irish & St. Patrick’s Day Sections Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Virgin Irish Weather Forecasting Little Leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog Swimming Buddies What’s Under The Kilt?
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