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“I’ve Lost Me Luggage”
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied
the Irishman. “I’ve lost all me luggage!” Water To Wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the
floor of the car. The Reunion
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why, of course,” comes the reply. The Brothel
Two Irishmen were sitting a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a
Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to
see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Lost At Sea
Two Irishmen,
Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a
burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, Patrick stumbled across
an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To
the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that
he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the
matter, Patrick blurted out, “Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!” The
genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the
gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their
circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a
long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: “Nice going Patrick! Now we’re going to have
to pee in the boat.” My soul is still Irish. - Ciaran Hinds I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy I'm Irish. We think sideways. - Spike Milligan Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast Paddy O Furniture: Irish lawn chairs - Daffynitions joe-ks.com To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce I come from a long line of staunch Irish Catholics. - Robert Vaughn My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins I have a thing for red-haired Irish boys, as we know. - Sandra Bullock I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford I've had Irish skin from the time I was a young girl. - Lara Flynn Boyle You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce Irish Americans are no more Irish than Black Americans are Africans. - Bob Geldof Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw I had an Irish Catholic education. Horrible nuns, vindictive and cruel. - John Lydon Yancy is actually a Native-American name, but I'm Irish. Go figure. - Yancy Butler The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe If you put an Irishman on a spit, you can always get another Irishman to baste him. - George Bernard Shaw An Irishman can be worried by the consciousness that there is nothing to worry about. - Austin O'Malley I'm not a walking extra in a Chekhov play; I'm no Slavic gloom or Irish gloom. - Orson Welles We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde There are only two kinds of people in the world: the Irish and those who wish they were. - Irish Saying I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. - Robin Williams I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth. - Unknown Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine In 1953 there were two ways for an Irish Catholic boy to impress his parents: become a priest or attend Notre Dame. - Phil Donahue Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw We've never been cool, we're hot. Irish people are Italians who can't dress, Jamaicans who can't dance. - Bono Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?", New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt see also Irish & St. Patrick’s Day Sections Going Green for Ireland Green Beards Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey! Irish Alzheimers Irish Bar Irish Birth Control Irish Blessings and Sayings Irish Drink Irish Exam Irish Flood Irish Sky Garden Crater Irish Virgin Irish Weather Forecasting Little Leprechaun St. Patrick’s Day Riddles St. Patrick’s Dog Swimming Buddies What’s Under The Kilt?
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