Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
No man is an Ireland. - Richard Daley
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus
I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke
I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley
Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Everyone is wise until he speaks. - Irish Drinking Toast
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part. - Irish Blessings
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
You think the Welsh are friendly, but the Irish are fabulous. - Bonnie Tyler
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
I miss Irish milk. Probably not as much as Superquinn sausages. - Tristan MacManus
I'm from durable stock. I'm made to work. I'm Irish. - Mary McCormack
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
Irish people are educated not only about artistry but local history. - Fiona Shaw
Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. - Brendan Behan
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings
The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers
My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey
We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks. - Oscar Wilde
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle
I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke
I'm proud of my Irish heritage and culture and this show will feature a lot of Irish dancing. - Michael Flatley
Definition of an Irish fact: That which tells you not what is the case but what you want to hear. - Hugh Kenner
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same. - Iris Murdoch
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan
That's what the holidays are for - for one person to tell the stories and another to dispute them. Isn't that the Irish way? - Lara Flynn Boyle
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
 Jam Packed Suitcase |  All White Meat |  Alien Moon Landing |  Nothing But Net |  Bible Bar |
 Branding Inspiration for Graphic Designers |  Original Homeland Security - 2nd Amendment |  Sunday Weather Forecast |  On The Eighth Day |  Moses Parting the Ice Field |
 Texas Limo |  No Smoking Fish |  New Brunswick Swimming Pools |  Box Car |  Night Shift for a Computer Geek |
15-May-2022 |