Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley
To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong
You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb
I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt
To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy
Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow. - James Joyce
Being Irish, I always had this love of words. - Kenneth Branagh
There are not many Irish people playing tennis. - Goran Ivanisevic
My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong
You never miss the water till the well has run dry. - Irish Proverb
I had that stubborn streak, the Irish in me I guess. - Gregory Peck
My Irish derivation has nothing to do with me. Why should it? - Carroll O'Connor
You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying
Irish Alzheimer's - you forget everything except the grudges. - Unknown
The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
The Irish are a very fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Unknown
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you. - Irish Blessings
I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe
I am who I am: an Irish Catholic kid, working class from Long Island. And I made it big. - Bill O'Reilly
I had a very happy childhood, which is unsuitable if you're going to be an Irish writer. - Maeve Binchy
The Irish are the only men who know how to cry for the dirty polluted blood of all the world. - Norman Mailer
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
Jameson's Irish Whiskey really does improve with age: the older I get the more I like it. - Bob Monkhouse
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
I think I'm going to keep my Irish accent forever now in any movie I make, because chicks dig it. - Chris O'Dowd
The curse of the Irish is not that they don't know the words to a song - its that they know them all. - Susan Dooley
I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
Irish poets, learn your trade, sing whatever is well made, scorn the sort now growing up all out of shape from toe to top. - William Butler Yeats
If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain. - William Howard Taft
For my last meal, I'd want an Irish breakfast with soda bread and one of my dad's omelettes with three or four eggs. - Erin O'Connor
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody. - Brendan Behan
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Franklin D. Roosevelt: "Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?",
New York Mayor Al Smith: "Do we now?" - Franklin D Roosevelt
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
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15-Apr-2021 |