Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, there was no toilet paper... so he used his hand.
When he got back to class, his teacher asked, “What do you have in your hand?”
Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, “What do you
have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was then sent home and his Mom asked him, “What do you have in your hand?”
So Little Johnny said, “Mom, it’s a little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
He was sent to his room until his Dad came in and said, “What do you have in your hand?”
So again Little Johnny said, “A little leprechaun, and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.”
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands NOW!”
And Little Johnny said, “Oh great Dad, now look what you did - you scared the crap out of him!”
I am very proud to be Irish. - Philip Treacy
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono
The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
Yes, I am an Irish lass through and through. - Erin Andrews
When Irish eyes are smiling, watch your step. - Gerald Kersh
The Danes and the Irish have a great simpatico. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish. I think about death all the time. - Jack Nicholson
Our Irish blunders are never blunders of the heart. - Maria Edgeworth
Yelling Irish, you can sound like an angry Leprechaun. - Norman Reedus
I am Irish as a person, but I feel Jewish as an actor. - Harrison Ford
The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery
I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan
The Irish forgive their great men when they are safely buried. - Unknown
In Ireland, a writer is looked upon as a failed conversationalist. - Unknown
It is a symbol of Irish art. The cracked looking-glass of a servant. - James Joyce
I've heard some duff Irish accents. The worst must be Mickey Rourke. - James Nesbitt
I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart? - Unknown
The Irish and British, they love satire, it's a large part of the culture. - Ben Nicholson
Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead
If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit
Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness
I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader
At the heart of the Irish economy has always been the philosophy of tax competitiveness. - Bono
The Irish don't know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it. - Sidney Littlewood
I'm Irish. That means I'm Catholic. But, truth is, now I'm a retired Christian. - Peter O'Toole
The Irish do not want anyone to wish them well; they want everyone to wish their enemies ill. - Harold Nicolson
I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie
"Burn everything British," he once advised his Irish countrymen, "except their coal." - Jonathan Swift
I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison
The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde
May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton
Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown
With such riches as I have in life, you're always nervous. Being Irish, you're waiting for something to knock it sideways. - Pierce Brosnan
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown
Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien
see also Irish, Little Johnny & St. Patrick’s Day Sections
Going Green for Ireland
Green Beards
Irish Alzheimers
Irish Bar
Irish Birth Control
Irish Blessings and Sayings
Irish Drink
Irish Exam
Irish Flood
Irish Rugby Fans
Irish Sky Garden Crater
Irish Virgin
Irish Weather Forecasting
St. Patrick’s Day Joe-ks
St. Patrick’s Day Riddles
St. Patrick’s Dog
Swimming Buddies
Teddy Bear Dance
The Fert
What’s Under The Kilt?
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25-Jan-2021 |