“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Always speak the truth. - George Washington
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb
People who boast about their IQ are losers. - Stephen Hawking
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
Bulldozing: Going to sleep during a political speech. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence. - Thomas S Szasz
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
Neonphancy: A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When people are proud of their speech, be proud of your silence. - Luqman
Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias
Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to being it to light. - George Washington
A beautiful diamond asks to be viewed from many angles, shining in the light. - Clare Josa
It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus
Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill
To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V
If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke
You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to. - Louis C.K.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard
There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. - James Thurber
We proclaim the resurrection of Christ when his light illuminates the dark moments of our existence. - Pope Francis
I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university. - Albert Einstein
Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie
Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman
The character of our praying will determine the character of our preaching. Light praying makes light preaching. - E.M. Bounds
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen
Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll
We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill
Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb
People who boast about their IQ are losers. - Stephen Hawking
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
Bulldozing: Going to sleep during a political speech. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. - Christopher Columbus
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence. - Thomas S Szasz
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
Neonphancy: A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
When people are proud of their speech, be proud of your silence. - Luqman
Reality can be lost when reason and language have been violated. - Ravi Zacharias
Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias
May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien
Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to being it to light. - George Washington
A beautiful diamond asks to be viewed from many angles, shining in the light. - Clare Josa
It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning that does the work. - Mark Twain
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus
Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill
To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V
If we surrendered to earth's intelligence, we could rise up rooted like trees. - Rainer M Rilke
You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to. - Louis C.K.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard
There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. - James Thurber
We proclaim the resurrection of Christ when his light illuminates the dark moments of our existence. - Pope Francis
I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university. - Albert Einstein
Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie
Although he tortures the English language, he has not yet succeeded in forcing it to reveal its meaning. - J B Morton
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. - Og Mandino
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman
The character of our praying will determine the character of our preaching. Light praying makes light preaching. - E.M. Bounds
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. - Woody Allen
Music expresses feeling and thought, without language; it was below and before speech, and it is above and beyond all words. - Robert G Ingersoll
We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill
Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn't mean anything else. - C S Lewis
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 Ford Door Lock |  Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly |  Wiener Dog Safety |  Donkey Refill |  Big John |
 Do Must Marriage |  Shopping-ish |  Head Twins |  Pickup Park |  Diet Hard |
 Go Nowhere Bike |  Master Reference Binder |  Do You See A Bird or a Girl? |  Car Moochanic |  Wife's Small Mistake |
28-Sep-2021 |