“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Always speak the truth. - George Washington
Light tomorrow with today. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Speak low if you speak love. - William Shakespeare
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus
Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle
You is kind. You is smart. You is important. - The Help
A true star shines her light on others. Be a star. - Chloe Pink
How do I learn to speak when silence is all I know? - Susie Clevenger
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Speak for yourself and from yourself, or be silent. - George H Lewes
The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
In California you lose a point off your IQ every year. - Truman Capote
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter
The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives. - William Leahy
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking
Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias
To deceive a diplomat speak the truth, he has no experience with it. - Greek Proverb
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. - Desmond Tutu
We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own. - Unknown
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. - Rabindranath Tagore
Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier
For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps. - Christopher Columbus
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
It is always the best policy to speak the truth - unless, of course, you're an exceptionally good liar. - Jerome K. Jerome
The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein
Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier
I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician. - Marty Feldman
A smile is the lightning system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart. - Unknown
Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
Singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness. - Reba McEntire
It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind. - T S Eliot
Light tomorrow with today. - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Speak low if you speak love. - William Shakespeare
Silence is safer than speech. - Epictetus
Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle
You is kind. You is smart. You is important. - The Help
A true star shines her light on others. Be a star. - Chloe Pink
How do I learn to speak when silence is all I know? - Susie Clevenger
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Speak for yourself and from yourself, or be silent. - George H Lewes
The key to winning is to be brilliant at the basics. - Vince Lombardi
Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan
In California you lose a point off your IQ every year. - Truman Capote
It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter
The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives. - William Leahy
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking
Changes in language often reflect the changing values of a culture. - Ravi Zacharias
To deceive a diplomat speak the truth, he has no experience with it. - Greek Proverb
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. - Desmond Tutu
We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own. - Unknown
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come. - Rabindranath Tagore
Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection. - Yakov Smirnoff
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier
For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps. - Christopher Columbus
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
It is always the best policy to speak the truth - unless, of course, you're an exceptionally good liar. - Jerome K. Jerome
The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein
Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier
I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician. - Marty Feldman
A smile is the lightning system of the face, the cooling system of the head, and the heating system of the heart. - Unknown
Language, identity, place, home: these are all of a piece - just different elements of belonging and not-belonging. - Jhumpa Lahiri
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
Singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness. - Reba McEntire
It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind. - T S Eliot
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 OCD Guy |  Garage Add-on |  Cow Vacation |  ChristMoose Tree |  Pilot Prop Job |
 Crow Species |  Lawn Mirror |  Fishing Addiction |  Hairy Potter |  2021 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars |
 Crosswalk Casualty |  The Tree Is Up, Dear |  One Too Many |  Owl Garden |  GhetToes |
01-Dec-2020 |