Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Comedy is like catching lightning in a bottle. - Goldie Hawn

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

You don't have to be perfect to be brilliant. - Mark Eyre

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph. - Ken Kesey

I cannot think of a single one, not even intelligence. - Enrico Fermi

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen

The Irish are a fair people, they never speak well of one another. - Samuel Johnson

If his IQ slips any lower, we'll have to water him twice a day. - Molly Ivins

Mexican marijuana, which he called the schoolboy's consolation. - James Purdy

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? - Unknown

Play is the only way the highest intelligence of humankind can unfold. - Joseph C. Pearce

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own. - Unknown

Truth is like heat or light; its vibrations are endless, and are endlessly felt. - Margaret Deland

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

There are two kinds of light – the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. - James Thurber

For those who seek it, there is inexhaustible evidence of an all-pervading intelligence. - Richard E Byrd

Great thoughts speak only to the thoughtful mind, but great actions speak to all mankind. - Emily P. Bissell

The same hot lightning that burns your blood with passion–– cools your fears with peace. - Aberjhani

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. - Bono

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how. - Ann Patchett

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in. - Alan Alda

Mere colour, unspoiled by meaning, and unallied with definite form, can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways. - Oscar Wilde

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence. - Howard Eves

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Fantasy has a dark side to it. It also has a light hemisphere - the power of the human imagination to keep going, to imagine a better tomorrow. - Tim O'Brien

To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest. - Joe-kster


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

International Truck Bed

Strong Man

Snowbound Train

Not Without A Washer

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Washing Machine Cat

Ruined Bacon

Kellogg's Fire

Tip Discount

Staff Meeting

Prince Bag

Ice Cream Clouds

Sun Dial Fail

Rolling Stop

Ghetto Hammock
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24-Jan-2020