“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Speak low if you speak love. - William Shakespeare
What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl
Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Francis Bacon
Speech is the vestibule to the palace of love. - Jami of Persia
Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light. - Theodore Roethke
How do I learn to speak when silence is all I know? - Susie Clevenger
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi
He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. - Lao-tzu
What's done in the dark will be paraded in the light. - Charles Wynn
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict
There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
Stay the course, light a star, change the world where'er you are. - Richard Le Gallienne
I only sound intelligent when there's a good scriptwriter around. - Christian Bale
Truly intelligent men know better than to take themselves too seriously. - Unknown
I'm no genius. I'm smart in spots but I stay around those spots. - Thomas J Watson
Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell
Work while you have the light. You are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you. - Henri F Amiel
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
You can have brilliant ideas, but if you cannot get them across, your ideas will not get you anywhere. - Lee Iacocca
Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci
The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain
A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way. - Unknown
In our society those who are in reality superior in intelligence can be accepted by their fellows only if they pretend they are not. - Marya Mannes
There is a plan to this universe. There is a high intelligence, maybe even a purpose, but it's given to us on the installment plan. - Isaac Bashevis Singer
Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another. - Napoleon Hill
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance. Proceed, and light will dawn and shine with increasing clearness on your path. - Jim Rohn
I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell
We went down into the silent garden. Dawn is the time when nothing breathes, the hour of silence. Everything is transfixed, only the light moves. - Leonora Carrington
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
What is to give light must endure burning. - Viktor Frankl
Speech is of time; silence is of eternity. - Thomas Carlyle
A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Francis Bacon
Speech is the vestibule to the palace of love. - Jami of Persia
Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light. - Theodore Roethke
How do I learn to speak when silence is all I know? - Susie Clevenger
If light is in your heart, you will find your way home. - Rumi
He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. - Lao-tzu
What's done in the dark will be paraded in the light. - Charles Wynn
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry
An animal's eyes have the power to speak a great language. - Martin Buber
To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict
There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
Stay the course, light a star, change the world where'er you are. - Richard Le Gallienne
I only sound intelligent when there's a good scriptwriter around. - Christian Bale
Truly intelligent men know better than to take themselves too seriously. - Unknown
I'm no genius. I'm smart in spots but I stay around those spots. - Thomas J Watson
Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. - Bertrand Russell
Work while you have the light. You are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you. - Henri F Amiel
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
You can have brilliant ideas, but if you cannot get them across, your ideas will not get you anywhere. - Lee Iacocca
Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson
Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory. - Leonardo da Vinci
The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug. - Mark Twain
A father is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way. - Unknown
In our society those who are in reality superior in intelligence can be accepted by their fellows only if they pretend they are not. - Marya Mannes
There is a plan to this universe. There is a high intelligence, maybe even a purpose, but it's given to us on the installment plan. - Isaac Bashevis Singer
Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another. - Napoleon Hill
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus
If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
The difficulties you meet will resolve themselves as you advance. Proceed, and light will dawn and shine with increasing clearness on your path. - Jim Rohn
I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell
We went down into the silent garden. Dawn is the time when nothing breathes, the hour of silence. Everything is transfixed, only the light moves. - Leonora Carrington
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 Ostrich Imprint |  Tea Party Weapon |  Extra Space Bed |  Unattended Children |  ThrowYo |
 Cell Phone Warning |  Umbrella Protection and Non-Protection |  Husband Creche |  Undertaker Bike |  Road Sign Dictionary |
 Sandal Security |  House Appraisal |  Tongue Twister |  Class Notes |  The Perfect Male |
09-Jul-2020 |