Bright Redneck

Who Says All Rednecks Are Dubm?


“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”

“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”


QuotaBills
Glass: Chinese marijuana - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Always speak politely to an enraged Dragon. - Steven Brust

A proverb is much light condensed in one flash. - Simmons

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - H L Mencken

I cannot think of a single one, not even intelligence. - Enrico Fermi

You're not too smart, are you? I like that in a man. - Kathleen Turner

Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen. - Unknown

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. - Chinese Proverb

To a child's ear, 'mother' is magic in any language. - Arlene Benedict

Truth is always exciting. Speak it, then; life is dull without it. - Pearl S. Buck

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

I only sound intelligent when there's a good scriptwriter around. - Christian Bale

If you're a good numbers person, you're a bad language person. - Frank Luntz

Laughter is, after speech, the chief thing that holds society together. - Max Eastman

The least I can do is speak out for those who cannot speak for themselves. - Jane Goodall

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb

Better to let them wonder why you didn't speak than to wonder why you did. - Amish Saying

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. - Epictetus

Intelligence is not to make no mistakes, but to see quickly how to make them good. - Bertolt Brecht

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

I have discovered the art of fooling diplomats. I speak the truth, and they never believe me. - Camillo Di Cavour

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Though everyone has an equal right to speak, not all have earned an equal right to be taken seriously. - Hubert Humphrey

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break. - William Shakespeare

The path to cheerfulness is to sit cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. - William James

The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. - Oliver Wendell Homes, Jr.

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker. - Frederick Douglass

The character of our praying will determine the character of our preaching. Light praying makes light preaching. - E.M. Bounds

Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion. - Unknown

You don't have to say everything to be a light. Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire. - Shannon L. Alder

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise


see also   Redneck  Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo

 

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Snow Is Coming

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22-Jan-2022