“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Smart tyrants retire rich. - Voltaire
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith
Creativity is intelligence having fun. - Albert Einstein
Imagination is intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra
The prospects are bright as the promises of God. - Adoniram Judson
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand
The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz
Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence. - Spanish Proverb
Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley
Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
She may very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her! - W S Gilbert
They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill
Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum
Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill
A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown
Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov
Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. - Unknown
There is no worse screen to block out the Spirit than confidence in our own intelligence. - John Calvin
Architecture is the learned game, correct and magnificent, of forms assembled in the light. - Le Corbusier
Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. - Bono
The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. - Mark Twain
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating. - Richard Neville
Dubmerol: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman
The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking. - Deepak Chopra
I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan
The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith
Creativity is intelligence having fun. - Albert Einstein
Imagination is intelligence having fun. - George Scialabra
The prospects are bright as the promises of God. - Adoniram Judson
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand
The words you speak become the house you live in. - Hafiz
Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence. - Spanish Proverb
Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley
Quota: Someone who likes to report other people's speech - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
She may very well pass for 43 in the dusk with the light behind her! - W S Gilbert
They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill
Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television. - Victoria Wood
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. - P.T. Barnum
Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill
A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. - Unknown
Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov
Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. - Unknown
There is no worse screen to block out the Spirit than confidence in our own intelligence. - John Calvin
Architecture is the learned game, correct and magnificent, of forms assembled in the light. - Le Corbusier
Whenever you see darkness, there is extraordinary opportunity for the light to burn brighter. - Bono
The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason. - Marya Mannes
You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather. - Jeff Foxworthy
Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown
The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. - Mark Twain
I cannot work; I cannot speak; I cannot live or love as I should, unless God's wisdom lights my path. - David Jeremiah
The next woman who gets hold of me is gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars. - Jack Nicholson
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt. - Bertrand Russell
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating. - Richard Neville
Dubmerol: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman
The symbolic language of the crucifixion is the death of the old paradigm; resurrection is a leap into a whole new way of thinking. - Deepak Chopra
I definitely believe marijuana helps with menstruation. Since I started smoking pot, my girlfriend’s period has become painless for me. - Randy Kagan
The light of a new day always chases the shadows of the night away, and shows us that the shape of our fears is only the ghost of our own minds. - Terry Goodkind
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 Redneck Sandals |  Down Under Statue |  Ventriloquist Isolation |  Dr. Hedgehog |  Flower Frame Heels |
 PEI Weather |  Frankfurt Subway Entrance |  Shopping With Your Husband |  Where is Waldo? |  Costco Beach Towel |
 Handwritting |  July 4th Balloon |  Maritime Treat |  Redneck Wheelchair Stroller |  Reflective Art |
05-Jul-2022 |