“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith. He's hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
“Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep.”
“Happy Birthday, Bubba.”
Many hands make light work. - English Proverb
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham
The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
A sage thing is timely silence, and better than any speech. - Plutarch
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. - Paul Ehrlich
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again. - Stan Laurel
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends. - Alphonse de Lamartine
Light is the greatest disinfectant in nature and also in organizations. - Stephen Covey
A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. - Desmond Tutu
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. - Gail Parent
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett
The sunshine of life is made up of very little beams that are bright all the time. - Dr. John Aiken
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden
Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart. - Mother Teresa
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier
When a man has no design but to speak plain truth, he may say a great deal in a very narrow compass. - Sir Richard Steele
We proclaim the resurrection of Christ when his light illuminates the dark moments of our existence. - Pope Francis
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break. - William Shakespeare
I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks
Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism, or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. - Martin Luther King Jr
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller
Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus
Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. - Voltaire
One of the most important leadership lessons is realizing you're not the most important or the most intelligent person in the room at all times. - Mario Batall
Wine and children speak the truth. - Greek Proverb
Speech is silver; silence is golden. - Thomas Carlyle
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West
Put the light out, and all women are alike. - German Proverb
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham
The art of communication is the language of leadership. - James Humes
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
A sage thing is timely silence, and better than any speech. - Plutarch
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. - Paul Ehrlich
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again. - Stan Laurel
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
Music is the literature of the heart; it commences where speech ends. - Alphonse de Lamartine
Light is the greatest disinfectant in nature and also in organizations. - Stephen Covey
A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework. - Ruby Lou Barnhill
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. - Desmond Tutu
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
She knew what all smart women knew: Laughter made you live better and longer. - Gail Parent
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. - Warren Buffett
The sunshine of life is made up of very little beams that are bright all the time. - Dr. John Aiken
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden
Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart. - Mother Teresa
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. - Maurice Chevalier
When a man has no design but to speak plain truth, he may say a great deal in a very narrow compass. - Sir Richard Steele
We proclaim the resurrection of Christ when his light illuminates the dark moments of our existence. - Pope Francis
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o'er wrought heart and bids it break. - William Shakespeare
I think that most people would rather face the light of a real enemy than the darkness of their imagined fears. - Max Brooks
Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism, or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. - Martin Luther King Jr
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller
Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus
Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare the truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare. - Voltaire
One of the most important leadership lessons is realizing you're not the most important or the most intelligent person in the room at all times. - Mario Batall
see also Redneck Section
Bright People
Conservative Plant
Cow Return
Cowcycle
First Shipment
Ottawa White Smoke
Pipe Talk
Puntastic
Seattle After Pot Was Legalized
Stay Off The Grass
Tearable Puns
Tridgeridoo
 Joined Workout |  Looking The Part |  Redneck Candle |  Redneck Plumbing |  Flat Spare Tire |
 Ink Birds |  Man Of The House |  Ukrainian Model T |  Sunshine State |  Sons Of Arthritis |
 Husband Colors |  Soccer Watch |  Finger Lickin' Good! |  Scottish Variant |  Knight Room |
19-Jun-2021 |