Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
The worst men often give the best advice. - Francis Bacon

One can give advice comfortably from a safe port. - Johann Von Schiller

See you later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. - Bill Haley

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? - George Carlin

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. - Unknown

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Some quick advice for success in life: Don't be afraid, be amazing. - Cuthbert Soup

The farmer allows walkers across the field for free, but the bull charges. - Unknown

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping that it will eat him last. - Winston Churchill

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. - Gloria Steinem

The summer movies are coming out! My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. - Stephen Colbert

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde

God made Adam first because he didn't want any advice from Eve how to make Adam. - Unknown

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice. - Bill Cosby

A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends. - Kin Hubbard

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

Don't ever give anybody your best advice, because they're not going to follow it. - Jack Nicholson

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to young wrestlers is that your surroundings really make a difference. You want to put yourself in good, positive surroundings. - Dan Gable

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
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02-Jun-2020