Farmer’s Pond Advice for Youngsters

Farmer gives young women something to “pond”er over


The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.

At once, they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave.”

The old man frowned, “I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding up the bucket, he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”

Moral: Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill...


QuotaBills
The worst men often give the best advice. - Francis Bacon

I always advise people never to give advice. - P G Wodehouse

Generosity gives assistance, rather than advice. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

See you later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. - Bill Haley

Many receive advice, but only the wise profit from it. - Syrus

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

There is nothing which we receive with so much reluctance as advice. - Joseph Addison

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek. - Dan Rather

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile - hoping that it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Churchill

A good farmer is nothing more nor less than a handyman with a sense of humus. - E.B. White

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde

Advice from your friends is like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad. - Unknown

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that's no reason not to give it. - Agatha Christie

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice. - Unknown

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. - Phyllis Diller

If the rain spoils our picnic, but saves a farmer's crop, who are we to say it shouldn't rain? - Tom Barrett

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

"Quit now, you'll never make it." If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. - David Zucker

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway. - Warren Buffet

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

When a man won't listen to his conscience, it's usually because he doesn't want advice from a total stranger. - Lindsey Stewart

After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom. - Arthur Golden

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


see also   Crocodile  &  Farm   Sections
3 Frogs
Alligator Molesting
Alligator Path
Aussie Boat Ride
Aussie Winter Crocs
Biking in Florida
Croc Lunge
Croc Surfing
Crocs Shoes
Farmer’s Hole
Florida Sewer Rat
Gator Baiter
Real Crocodile Leather
Redneck Manicure
Reptile Ride

 

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09-Dec-2019