Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The doctor is to be feared more than the disease. - French Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Asphyxiation: What a surgeon does about an asphalt - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
Surgeon: The person who was a cut-up at medical school - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
If we become ill, modern medicine can work healing miracles. - Joseph B Wirthlin
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
Operation: A surgical job taking minutes to do and years to describe - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
It is reasonable to expect the doctor to recognize that science may not have all the answers to problems of health and healing. - Norman Cousins
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man - he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. - Anton Chekhov
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
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Cutting Off Board
Duck Tomato
Italian Chef Memorial
Long Noodles
Mexican Jews
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Special Southernisms
Texas Chili Taster
The 1500s
The New Supermarket
Three Tomatoes
Tomato IV
Tomato Sprouts
Tomato Treat
Truly Tasteless Veggie
1-800-PILLCASH
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Alzheimer’s Wing
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Arkansas Cure For Terminal Illness
Birth Control Pill For Men
Car Surgeon
Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality
Chewing Gum Hazard
Chiropractor Mailbox
Coke Dispenser
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Diabetes Medication
Do You Have An HMO?
Doctor Stories
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Doctor’s Flat Examination
Doctor’s Hunting Skills
Doctor’s OR Specialty
Dog Proctologist
Dogter
Dreaded Furniture Disease
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Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
Flu Fashion
German Flatulence Control
HMO Judgment Day
Hygiene On The Farm
HAGS Disease
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Magnetic Personality
Mechanical Patient
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Redneck Flu Shot
Shower Bar
Simple Surgery
Singing Gynecologist
Sons Of Arthritis
Swine Flu Symptoms
Tattoo Implants
Typeface for Doctors
Viagra Overdose
Worst Aid
 Tongue Shoes |  Bomb Squad Prank |  Redneck Waterslide |  Wailea Beach |  Apple Art |
 Origin of the Whoopee Cushion |  Better Lawyer |  Laundry Goat |  Meat Loaf |  Better With A Beard |
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18-Oct-2021 |