Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors X-rayed my head an found nothing. - Dizzy Dean
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth. - George D. Prentice
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Virus: a Latin word used by doctors to mean, "Your guess is as good as mine." - Unknown
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson
In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
Each patient ought to feel somewhat the better after the physician's visit, irrespective of the nature of the illness. - Warfield Theobald Longcope
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
A physician is obligated to consider more than a diseased organ, more even than the whole man — he must view the man in his world. - Harvey Cushing
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed. - James Thurber
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
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