Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
Quack: A duck's Doctor - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb
Good doctors make poor patients. - Unknown
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Somebody must get the incompetent lawyers and doctors. - George Bernard Shaw
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
Why is it we never get our bad medicine in small doses? - Edmund H North
If you wish to die young, make your physician your heir. - Romania Proverb
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid
Psychiatrist: an M.D. who can't stand the sight of blood. - Unknown
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Be kind to your dentist because he has "fillings" too. - Unknown
Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist's bills. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things. - Gilbert Gottfried
A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
The good-news stories in medicine are early detection, early intervention. - Thomas R Insel
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
The grinding of the intellect is for most people as painful as a dentist's drill. - Leonard Woolf
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Most religious people accept medicine as a gift from God and reap the benefits of both realms. - Caroline Fraser
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - Orison Swett Marden
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter - he's got to know. - Will Rogers
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer
My Doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab. - Rodney Dangerfield
A physician's physiology has much the same relation to his power of healing as a cleric's divinity has to his power of influencing conduct. - Samuel Butler
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Cutting Off Board
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Italian Chef Memorial
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Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
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Proctologist Call
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Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
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Swine Flu Symptoms
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Typeface for Doctors
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