Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Physician, heal thyself. - Luke 4:23
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Keratin: What preserved carrots are sold in - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
Square Root: 1. Diced carrot; 2. Diced turnip. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Every disease is a physician. - Irish Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker
Keratin: What preserved carrots are sold in - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
Square Root: 1. Diced carrot; 2. Diced turnip. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
My music isn't just music - it's medicine. - Unknown
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson
Trips to the dentist - I like to postpone that kind of thing. - Johnny Depp
Medicine is a science of uncertainty and an art of probability. - William Osler
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist. - Joseph Heller
When it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. - Graham Norton
A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
It is said to be the manner of hypochondriacs to change often their physician. - William Cullen
This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh
If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - George Carlin
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
If you want to get out of medicine the fullest enjoyment, be students all your lives. - David Riesman
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
I'm having difficulty getting the doctors around here to sign the appropriate form. - Spike Milligan
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police. - Unknown
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. - Thomas Paine
Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. - Rodney Dangerfield
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope
Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht
I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare
The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer
I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
The art of healing comes from nature, not from the physician. Therefore the physician must start from nature, with an open mind. - Paracelsus
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
There are three subjects on which the knowledge of the medical profession in general is woefully weak; they are manners, morals, and medicine. - Gerald F Lieberman
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist. - Frankie Muniz
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Cutting Off Board
Duck Tomato
Italian Chef Memorial
Long Noodles
Mexican Jews
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Special Southernisms
Texas Chili Taster
The 1500s
The New Supermarket
Three Tomatoes
Tomato IV
Tomato Sprouts
Tomato Treat
Truly Tasteless Veggie
1-800-PILLCASH
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Alzheimer’s Wing
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Arkansas Cure For Terminal Illness
Birth Control Pill For Men
Car Surgeon
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Chewing Gum Hazard
Chiropractor Mailbox
Coke Dispenser
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
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Constipated Mathematician
Diabetes Medication
Do You Have An HMO?
Doctor Stories
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Doctor’s Flat Examination
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Dogter
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First Proctologist Exam
Flu Fashion
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HMO Judgment Day
Hygiene On The Farm
HAGS Disease
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Magnetic Personality
Mechanical Patient
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Redneck Flu Shot
Shower Bar
Simple Surgery
Singing Gynecologist
Sons Of Arthritis
Swine Flu Symptoms
Tattoo Implants
Typeface for Doctors
Viagra Overdose
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