Looking tired and disgusted, Shawn went to see his doctor. The doctor could barely contain his surprise when he saw carrots growing from the man’s nostrils.
“My goodness,” the doctor said,“no wonder you’re upset!”
“You’re not kidding,” Shawn said. “I planted tomatoes.”
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Miles Kington
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
Grief is itself a medicine. - William Cowper
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster
Dentist Office: A filling station - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid
A young doctor makes a humpy graveyard. - English Proverb
The best medicine is having a good wife. - Kin Hubbard
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. - Gabriel G Marquez
Time is a physician that heals every grief. - Diphilus
Better a lucky physician than a learned one. - English Proverb
When fate arrives the physician becomes a fool. - Arabic proverb
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron
False Doctrine: Giving people the wrong medicine - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington
Why do the best doctors have the sickest patients? - Unknown
One should only see a psychiatrist out of boredom. - Muriel Spark
Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food. - Hippocrates
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck
Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito
I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. - Tammy Faye Bakker
Hope is medicine for a soul that's sick and tired. - Eric Swensson
A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb
No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb
A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer
Jockey: What a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn
Fond of lawsuits, little wealth; fond of doctors, little health. - Hebrew Proverb
A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes
The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett
I do believe that laughter is the best medicine - it cures everything. - Radhika Apte
If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer
There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Ben Williams
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. - Rodney Dangerfield
The best way to reduce the cost of medical care is to reduce the illness. - Arlen Specter
Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust. - Don Herold
Observation, Reason, Human Understanding, Courage; these make the physician. - Martin H. Fischer
Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. - Rodney Dangerfield
Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham
To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher
He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. - Benjamin Franklin
The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown
Barium: 1. What Doctors do when treatment fails; 2. What you do when CPR fails. - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wanted to study to be a dental hygienist, marry a rich dentist, and hang it up. - Vicki Lawrence
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Miles Kington
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren
Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham
The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild
People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca
If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas. - Mason Cooley
Virus is a Latin word used by doctors to mean 'your guess is as good as mine'. - Bob Hope
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis
The latest thing in psychiatry is group therapy. Instead of couches, they use bunk beds. - Henny Youngman
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter
The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots - Daffynitions joe-ks.com
I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket. - Ambrose Bierce
Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold
A physician buries his mistakes, a dentist pulls them out, but a teacher has to live with them. - Unknown
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles
I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West
Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown
My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more. - Walter Matthau
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill. - Johnny Carson
The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield
Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. - Abe Lemons
If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen
Most ballet teachers in the United States are terrible. If they were in medicine, everyone would be poisoned. - George Balanchine
Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman
'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid
The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler
It is astonishing with how little reading a doctor can practice medicine, but is not astonishing how badly he may do it. - William Osler
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle
Medicine is the restoration of discordant elements; sickness is the discord of the elements infused into the living body. - Leonardo da Vinci
To the person with a toothache, even if the world is tottering, there is nothing more important than a visit to a dentist. - George Bernard Shaw
'Psychotherapy' is a private, confidential conversation that has nothing to do with illness, medicine, or healing. - Thomas Szasz
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon. It wasn't my first choice but my Doctor told me I can't have any biologically. - Bill Murray
A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown
Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw
A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer
My greatest strength is common sense. I'm really a standard brand - like Campbell's tomato soup or Baker's chocolate. - Katharine Hepburn
Once in your life you need a doctor, a lawyer, a policeman, and a preacher... but every day, three times a day, you need a farmer. - Brenda Schaepp
Sometimes, giving up your privacy is a little like going to the dentist and we have let him have access that no one's ever had. - Tom Petty
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown
Lost wealth may be replaced by industry; lost knowledge by study; lost health by temperance or medicine; but lost time is gone forever. - Samuel Smiles
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler
see also Relationship Section
Alternate Uses For Brand Name Products
Cutting Off Board
Duck Tomato
Italian Chef Memorial
Long Noodles
Mexican Jews
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Special Southernisms
Texas Chili Taster
The 1500s
The New Supermarket
Three Tomatoes
Tomato IV
Tomato Sprouts
Tomato Treat
Truly Tasteless Veggie
1-800-PILLCASH
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Alzheimer’s Wing
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Arkansas Cure For Terminal Illness
Birth Control Pill For Men
Car Surgeon
Celebrity Swine Flu Fatality
Chewing Gum Hazard
Chiropractor Mailbox
Coke Dispenser
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Diabetes Medication
Do You Have An HMO?
Doctor Stories
Doctor Types
Doctor’s Flat Examination
Doctor’s Hunting Skills
Doctor’s OR Specialty
Dog Proctologist
Dogter
Dreaded Furniture Disease
Ebola Diet
Exhausting Gyne Work
Fart Facts
First Proctologist Exam
Flu Fashion
German Flatulence Control
HMO Judgment Day
Hygiene On The Farm
HAGS Disease
Is Laughter The Best Medicine?
Magnetic Personality
Mechanical Patient
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Redneck Flu Shot
Shower Bar
Simple Surgery
Singing Gynecologist
Sons Of Arthritis
Swine Flu Symptoms
Tattoo Implants
Typeface for Doctors
Viagra Overdose
Worst Aid
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