“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Well-behaved women seldom make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Woman, the most dangerous of playthings. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A woman's work is never done - by men. - Unknown

Compromises are for relationships, not wine. - Robert S Caywood

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows better. - Indian Proverb

As Unto The Bow The Cord Is, So Unto The Man Is Woman - Longfellow

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own. - Clare B Luce

The power of forgiveness transcends personal relationships. - Eric Metaxas

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed. - Henny Youngman

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age. - George Burns

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Joy Of Motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the kids are in bed - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. - Aristotle Onassis

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

Menopause is our chance to say, "I am woman - open a freaking window." - Unknown

My vigour, vitality, and cheek repel me. I am the kind of woman I would run from. - Nancy Astor

When I passed 40 I dropped pretence, 'cause men like women who got some sense. - Maya Angelou

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit. - Oscar Wilde

The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less. - Franklin P Adams

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious. - Oscar Wilde

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who'd lost three husbands. - Kin Hubbard

By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong. - Unknown

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. - Anais Nin

All of the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. - Donald Trump

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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02-Mar-2021