“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
I married beneath me. All women do. - Lady Nancy Astor

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

There's a great woman behind every idiot. - John Lennon

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

All women are crazy, it's only a question of degree. - WC Fields

I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman. - Jack Nicholson

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Amazing women don't have hot flashes. We have power surges. - Unknown

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

Love is what happens to men and women who don’t know each other. - W Somerset Maugham

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. - Honore de Balzac

The testimony of a woman has only half the value of the testimony of a man. - Iranian Penal Code

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - WC Fields

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. - Erma Bombeck

What else is there to live for? Chinese food and women. There is nothing else! - Dudley Moore

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. - Margaret Mead

In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally. - W Somerset Maugham

And what is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing. - Geoffrey Chaucer

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

When a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her except continue to love her. - Oscar Wilde

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that. - Mitch Hedberg

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. - Woody Allen

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

We women know how to take care of everybody so well. But the one person we have written out of the equation is us. - Suze Orman

I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful. - Donald Trump

From a shy, timid girl I had become a woman of resolute character, who could no longer be frightened by the struggle with troubles. - Anna Dostoevsky

I had very good dentures once. Some magnificent gold work. It's the only form of jewelry a man can wear that women fully appreciate. - Graham Greene

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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21-Jan-2020