“Female Speak” Translation

Understanding Women 101


Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it’s an even trade.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.

Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.

Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.

Thanks A Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing.”

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.



QuotaBills
Dull women have immaculate homes. - Unknown

So much work, so few women to do it. - Unknown

Woman, the most dangerous of playthings. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler

Behind every good woman is a lot of chocolate. - Unknown

A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast. - Edgar W Howe

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

We're women. We have a double standard to live up to. - Ally McBeal

A great city is that which has the greatest men and women. - Walt Whitman

Hand Scanner: Singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Organ Recital: A group of women discussing their operations - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. - Unknown

That woman is liable to come at you like a Doberman's Pincher. - Archie Bunker

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Between man and woman there is little difference, but vive la difference. - French Proverb

Glamour: The capacity of a woman to get more out of a dress than she puts into it - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men and women are created equal. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton

A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on. - Oscar Wilde

Content builds relationships. Relationships are built on trust. Trust drives revenue. - Andrew Davis

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

No honest work of man or woman "fails"; it feeds the sum of all human action. - Michelene Wandor

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

It is easier for a woman to defend her virtue against men than her reputation against women. - French Proverb

I would venture to guess that Anon, who wrote so many poems without signing them, was often a woman. - Virginia Woolf

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me. - George Bernard Shaw

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Career Woman: One who goes out and earns a man's salary instead of sitting at home and taking it away from him - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor. - George Jean Nathan

A problem occurs when people want the benefits of a relationship with God without the responsibilities of a relationship with God. - Jim Herring

Perhaps women have always been in closer contact with reality than men: it would seem to be the just recompense for being deprived of idealism. - Germaine Greer

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland


see also   Relationship   Section
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

The Wheels of Life

Ford Door Lock

Texting Abbreviations for the Elderly

Wiener Dog Safety

Donkey Refill

Big John

Do Must Marriage

Shopping-ish

Head Twins

Pickup Park

Diet Hard

Go Nowhere Bike

Master Reference Binder

Do You See A Bird or a Girl?

Car Moochanic

Wife's Small Mistake

Redneck TP

Backwards Clock

Redneck House Move

New World Record Holder
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

28-Sep-2021