The Darwin Awards are given to the people who thru their own stupidity have killed themselves, thus
ridding the human race of the complete idiots of the world. Survival of the fittest and
smartest!
Eighth Runner Up, A 28 year old Korean employed by the Xerox Corporation decided it would
be hilarious if he digitally scanned his penis and distributed to the entire corporation.
The small Korean had just finished up festivities at the local bar and was quite
intoxicated. Xerox had recently ordered 23 shredding devices in an attempt to
reduce/recycle the amount of paper that they use. The unsuspecting Korean pulled down his
trousers, and drunkenly hoisted himself onto what he thought was a copier. Thinking he was
pressing the scan button on a copier, he hit the shred button. He was found with his
scrotum stuck between blades the next morning, and had died from the loss of blood.
Seventh Runner Up, A 25-year-old Alabama man died of injuries sustained from a 3-story
fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl
himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his
saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum carried him right over the guard-rail
which he caught hold of for a few moments before his grip slipped, sending him plummeting
24 feet to the cement below. The Military Specialist had a blood alcohol content of 0.14%,
impairing his judgement and paving the way for his opportunity to win a Darwin Award.
Sixth Runner Up, (Germany) A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while
driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was
weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially secluded sun, when he suddenly
accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers,
which are dark enough to totally obscure everything except the sun.
Tie for Fifth Runner up Award (Ukraine) A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while
fishing in the River Tereblya. The 43 year-old man connected cables to the main power
supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed the
fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to collect his
catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the
fish. In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a morning meal to commemorate the first
anniversary of his mother-in-law’s death.
Tie for Fifth Runner up Award (Germany) A hunter from Bad Urach was shot dead by his own
dog. The 51-year-old man was found sprawled next to his car in the Black Forest. A gun
barrel was pointing out the window, and his bereaved dog was howling inside the car. The
animal is presumed to have pressed the trigger with its paw. Police have ruled out foul
play.
Fourth Runner up Award (Cyprus) Under similar circumstances, an Iranian hunter was shot to
death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to
the ground. Another hunter reported that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake
alive by pressing the butt of his shotgun behind its head. The snake coiled around the
butt and pulled the trigger, shooting Ali in the head.
Third Runner up Award goes to (Australia) Drinking oneself to death need not be a long
lingering process. Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his competitive spirit
by dying of competitive spirits. A Sydney hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as
Feral Friday, with a 100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from 1 point
for beer to 8 points for hard liquor. Allan stood and cheered his winning total of 236
(winners never quit!), which had also netted him the literally staggering blood alcohol
level of 0.353, 7 times greater than Australia’s legal driving limit of 0.05%. After
several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence, the bathroom, Allan was helped back
to his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that became permanent. A forensic
hematologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila
within 1 hour and 40 minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0.41 to 0.43, but
Allan had vomited several times after the drinking stopped. The cost paid by Allan was
much higher than that of the hotel, which was fined the equivalent of $13,100 US for not
intervening. He didn’t require any further embalming.
Second Runner up Award goes to, (London) A flock of sheep charged a well-meaning British
farmer’s wife and pushed her over a cliff to her death. Betty Stobbs, 67, was charged by
dozens of sheep as she brought them a bale of hay on the back of a power bike. The sheep
rushed forward and rammed the vehicle, knocking Betty and her bike over the edge of a
vacant 100’ quarry near Durham, in north-eastern England. “I saw the sheep surround
the bike. The next thing she was tumbling down the incline,” neighbour Alan Renfry
told reporters.
First Runner up Award goes to, (Jerusalem) The switch away from daylight savings time
caused consternation among terrorist groups this year. At precisely 5:30 Israel time on
Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists
who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been
detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the
untimely explosions. Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from Daylight
Savings Time to Standard Time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving
pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to “live on Zionist time.” Two weeks
of scheduling havoc ensued. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area,
and set on Daylight Savings Time. The confused drivers had already switched to Standard
Time. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering
to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.
And the 2000 Darwin Award winner is (Phnom Penh) Decades of armed strife have littered
Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper
with the devices. Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging
Insults at a local cafe in the south-eastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable
arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank
mine found in his backyard. He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing
Russian Roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other
villagers fled in terror. Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom,
killing the three men in the bar. “There were no remains,” Rasmei Kampuchea
newspaper reported.
see also
Dubm Section
|  All We Have To Do Is Stand Up
|  Vacuum Extender
|  BrownEes
|  Chinese Puzzle Car
|  Always Give 100% At Work
|  Ancient Politician
|  My Toaster Is Broken
|  Shining Stars
|  Tunnel Face
|  The Bugs Are Bad This Year
|  Dog Spa
|  Ostrich Imprint
|  Local Crabs
|  World's First Hard Hat
|  Bird Melons
|  Bag Hang-Up
|  LippoPotumus
|  Haircut For Staff Meetings
|  Wolf Mode
|  Undertaker Bike
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