A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there was no heaven.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.
“Mary... Mary....”
“Is that you, Fred?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”
“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”
“Not exactly. I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”
A star on earth - a star in heaven. - Karen Carpenter
Noble discontent is the path to heaven. - Thomas Higginson
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring
In heaven all the interesting people are missing. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. - Woody Allen
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Groucho Marx
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. - Joe Louis
Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown
Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you. - Dolly Parton
Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. - Leo Rosten
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
Fame is only good for one thing - they will cash your check in a small town. - Truman Capote
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain
Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. - C S Lewis
Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen
Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? - Bette Midler
No matter how much fame and fortune you achieve, don't get wrapped up in yourself. - Dal Richards
Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster
I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland
What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. - R.E. Shay
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez
Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay
I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after. - Tim Conway
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns
The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay
The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown
I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. - Will Rogers
A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg
Noble discontent is the path to heaven. - Thomas Higginson
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring
In heaven all the interesting people are missing. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. - Leo Rosten
If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. - Woody Allen
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Groucho Marx
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. - Joe Louis
Sex on television can't hurt you - unless you fall off. - Unknown
Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you. - Dolly Parton
Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them. - Leo Rosten
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield
In Heaven, chocolate has no calories and is served as the main course. - Unknown
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone
Fame is only good for one thing - they will cash your check in a small town. - Truman Capote
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. - Mark Twain
Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. - C S Lewis
Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen
Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield
What clinical lectures I will give in heaven, demonstrating the ignorance of doctors! - Israel Zangwill
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? - Bette Midler
No matter how much fame and fortune you achieve, don't get wrapped up in yourself. - Dal Richards
Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster
I am on your Walk of Fame in Toronto. My sense of humour is Canadian. But I can't vote. - Donald Sutherland
What is so real as the cry of a child? A rabbit's cry may be wilder but it has no soul. - Sylvia Plath
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. - R.E. Shay
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez
Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay
I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after. - Tim Conway
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson
Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns
The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay
The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown
I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. - Will Rogers
A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg
see also Aging, History & Trivia Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before The Impact
Emotion Stew
Everything Men Know About Women
Hormone Guide
Keyboard Wedding
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
Obedient Wife
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Understanding Women
Walker Buddies
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
World Peas
 Something Witty |  Frozen America |  Woodcutter Birthday Cake |  2020 Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars (3) |  That's My Bed |
 Laxative Cream Pie |  Crow Species |  Japanese Eye Test |  Donut Hole History |  The Original Homeland Security |
 Bustache |  I Will Never Tell |  Vancouver Snow Plow |  Costco Wheels |  British Accountant |
 Find Your Car |  First Selfie |  Spider Trap |  Soothing Hairstyle |  Winter Ready |
17-Feb-2020 |