Afterlife Life

Fear that there is no heaven


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there was no heaven.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.

“Mary... Mary....”

“Is that you, Fred?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”

“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”

“Not exactly. I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”




QuotaBills
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds. - Socrates

Be brave, little rabbit. Take a chance. - Cherise Sinclair

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

Every man must get to heaven his own way. - Frederick the Great

Directly after God in heaven comes a Papa. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Begin to be now what you will be hereafter. - William James

You go to heaven. God sneezes. What do you say? - Peter Houppermans

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. - Garrison Keillor

In heaven all the interesting people are missing. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Groucho Marx

Sex at the age of 90 is like playing billiards with a rope. - Camille Paglia

They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood

They can keep their heaven. When I die, I'd sooner go to Middle Earth. - George R.R. Martin

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. - Phyllis Diller

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. - Erma Bombeck

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. - Unknown

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

The mind is its own place, and it itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. - John Milton

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night. - Rodney Dangerfield

Content builds relationships. Relationships are built on trust. Trust drives revenue. - Andrew Davis

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? - Bette Midler

No matter how much fame and fortune you achieve, don't get wrapped up in yourself. - Dal Richards

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality. - Bob Hope

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. - Mark Twain

We learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion. - Andrea Thompson

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Talent is God-given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be thankful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful. - Harvey Mackay

Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it, and Hell where they already have it. - Ronald Reagan

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. - Jay Shetty

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. - Dave Barry

More people watch television and get their information that way than read books. I find new technology and new ways of communication very exciting. - Stephen Covey

Forgiveness is the best form of love in any relationship. It takes a strong person to say they're sorry, and an even stronger person to forgive. - Yolanda Hadid

Sex is like an atom bomb. A potent weapon which fascinates and frightens. We're afraid to let it loose, yet we all have our finger on the button. - Zeena Schreck


see also   Aging, History  &  Trivia  Sections
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Before The Impact
Emotion Stew
Everything Men Know About Women
Hormone Guide
Keyboard Wedding
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
Obedient Wife
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Understanding Women
Walker Buddies
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
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18-Jan-2021