Afterlife Life

Fear that there is no heaven


A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The biggest fear was that there was no heaven.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.

“Mary... Mary....”

“Is that you, Fred?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice. I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”

“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”

“Not exactly. I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”




QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

Fame is the thirst of youth. - Lord Byron

A star on earth - a star in heaven. - Karen Carpenter

Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds. - Socrates

Heaven never helps the man who will not act. - Sophocles

In heaven all the interesting people are missing. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - George Burns

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal

Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven. - Henry Ward Beecher

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. - Groucho Marx

Fame usually comes to those who are thinking about something else. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else? And shall I couple Hell? - William Shakespeare

Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, but to be young was very heaven! - William Wordsworth

Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status. - Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes. - Unknown

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. - Phyllis Diller

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. - Mark Twain

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. - Erma Bombeck

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. - Unknown

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Surfing is the most blissful experience you can have on this planet, a taste of heaven. - John McCarthy

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy. - Ralphie May

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. - R.E. Shay

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. - Woody Allen

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what people think you've got. - Sophia Loren

I'm going to smile, and my smile will sink down into your pupils, and heaven knows what it will become. - Jean-Paul Sartre

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson

Earn all you can,
Spend all you can,
Save all you can,
But for heaven's sake,
Give all you can. - John Wesley

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. - Will Rogers

A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg


see also   Aging, History  &  Trivia  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before The Impact
Emotion Stew
Everything Men Know About Women
Hormone Guide
Keyboard Wedding
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
Obedient Wife
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Understanding Women
Walker Buddies
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
World Peas

 

GPS Directions

Secret Exit

Clippendales

Starborks

Post-Apocalyptical Section

Hide And Sikh

Yoga Pants

Really Good Day

Be Someone

My Time

Algebra Relationship

Mask Shortage

Exit Not Found

Early Shave

Dementia Purse

Quarantine Response

Braided Horse Tail

Government Debt

Statue Tug Of War

Kiosk Hours
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

31-Mar-2020