A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
A lawsuit helps keep lawyers clothed. - Unknown
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer
A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard
Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein
Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis
If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey, he is obligated to do so. - Thomas Jefferson
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb
Don't judge folks by their relatives. - Unknown
We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying
Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance. - Unknown
I'm trusting in the Lord and a good lawyer. - Oliver North
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance. - Herbert Spencer
A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller
Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. - Addison Mizner
Law of Inflation: Whatever goes up will go up some more. - Kin Hubbard
Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown
Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. - Charles Dickens
The innkeeper loves the drunkard, but not for a son-in-law. - Yiddish Proverb
You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. - Boethius
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin
It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein
Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis
If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law. - Winston Churchill
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people together. - Unknown
The best use of laws is to teach men to trample bad laws under their feet. - Wendell Phillips
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law. - Aristotle
The successful revolutionary is a statesman, the unsuccessful one a criminal. - Erich Fromm
A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey, he is obligated to do so. - Thomas Jefferson
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. - Edsgar Dijkstra
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan
The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey
I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly
Englishmen learn Christ's law best in English. Moses heard God's law in his own tongue; so did Christ's apostles. - John Wycliffe
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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12-Dec-2019 |