A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Where there's a will there's a lawsuit. - Addison Mizner
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Lawyers are ideological enemies of informal justice. - Richard L Abel
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. - H L Mencken
I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile
Most of the dishonest lawyers are the product of dishonest clients - the demand creates the supply. - Morris Salem
The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Melvin Belli
Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult
Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha
If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard
All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot
Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover
The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero
A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard
To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan
Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson
Where there's a will there's a lawsuit. - Addison Mizner
Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker
The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost
The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound
Lawyers are ideological enemies of informal justice. - Richard L Abel
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare
Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker
A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus
It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. - H L Mencken
I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky
Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck
Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown
Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field
You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate
It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz
It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb
Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon
If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe
The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying
Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson
Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile
Most of the dishonest lawyers are the product of dishonest clients - the demand creates the supply. - Morris Salem
The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown
In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay
Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James
The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller
There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown
There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Melvin Belli
Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult
Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha
If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge
Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot
Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby
Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille
Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda
see also Heaven & Lawyer Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer
An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument
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16-Jan-2021 |