Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
Whenever law ends, tyranny begins. - John Locke

Lawyers are the jackals of commerce. - Elbert Hubbard

All children are essentially criminal. - Denis Diderot

Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

The good of the people is the chief law. - Cicero

A lawyer and a cart wheel must be greased. - John R Beard

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Where there's a will there's a lawsuit. - Addison Mizner

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

The police are recruited from the criminal classes. - Gore Vidal

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

The law must be stable, but it must not stand still. - Roscoe Pound

Lawyers are ideological enemies of informal justice. - Richard L Abel

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

Stop soft soapin' and trying to deterge the judge! - Archie Bunker

A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller

The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus

It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. - Oscar Wilde

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. - H L Mencken

I can have peace of mind only when I forgive rather than judge. - Gerald Jampolsky

Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. - Otto von Bismarck

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes. - Sally Field

You cannot live without lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

Lawyers are like the knights of old. You can use them to plunder other people's stuff. - Gene Gordon

If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. - Nelson Mandela

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. - George Savile

Most of the dishonest lawyers are the product of dishonest clients - the demand creates the supply. - Morris Salem

The trouble with our laws these days is that the criminals know their rights better than their wrongs. - Unknown

In a litigation-happy society, clear agreements often prevent small disagreements form becoming big ones. - Harvey Mackay

Do not mind anything that anyone tells you about anyone else. Judge everyone and everything for yourself. - Henry James

The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry G. Miller

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

There is never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Melvin Belli

Lawyers were notorious for finding cases in the most unlikely places, especially ones with huge potential damage awards. - Jodi Picoult

Honest and peace-loving people shun the Courts and are prepared to suffer loss rather than fall into a Lawyer's clutches. - Peter De Noronha

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

Anyone who takes it on himself, on his own authority, to break a bad law, thereby authorizes everyone else to break the good ones. - Denis Diderot

Laws are like spiders' webs which, if anything small falls into them they ensnare it, but large things break through and escape. - Solon

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Man has made 32 million laws since the Commandments were handed down to Moses on Mount Sinai... but he has never improved on God's law. - Cecil B. DeMille

Never utter these words: 'I do not know this, therefore it is false.' One must study to know; know to understand; understand to judge. - Apothegm of Narda


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

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16-Jan-2021