Titanic Test

Entrance exam to the Pearly Gates


A teacher, garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.”
The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St.Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t really need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?”

Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie, and answered, “1,228.”
“That’s right! You may enter.”

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”




QuotaBills
The trouble with law is lawyers. - Clarence Darrow

Position is nine-tenths of the law. - Archie Bunker

Don't judge your taco by its price. - Hunter S. Thompson

A flagrant violation of international law. - Unknown

Law and order are not necessarily partners. - Saying

To live outside the law, you must be honest. - Bob Dylan

What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator. - Marvin Lebman

Mother-In-Law Sandwich: Cold shoulder and tongue - Daffynitions joe-ks.com

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. - Mark Twain

A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman. - Robert Frost

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial. - Thomas Fuller

It is an ill cause that the lawyer thinks shame o'. - John Ray

Lawyers are men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers. - Elbert Hubbard

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite. - H.W. Shaw

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

Lawyers are like rabbits. They have a nasty habit of multiplying. - Leo Reilly

It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein

You can not stop the spread of an idea by passing a law against it. - Harry S Truman

Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. - Unknown

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Don't judge a book by its cover 'til you've read the book. - Jamie Lee Curtis

The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known. - Charles E Hughes

I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. - Roy M. Cohn

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them. - Joseph H Choate

Lawyers are like scissors; they never cut each other, but what is between them. - Unknown

It is better to be a mouse in a cat's mouth than a man in a lawyer's hands. - Spanish Proverb

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a 'brief.' - Franz Kafka

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. - Mark Twain

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

Lawyers get you out'n the kind of trouble you'd never get in if there was no lawyers. - Ken Alstad

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. - Homer Simpson

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. - Agatha Christie

I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do. I hire one to tell me how to do what I want to do. - J P Morgan

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

A lawyer's duty is to read the law well himself, then tell the people what it is, and let them act upon it. - Brigham Young

There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people. - Hubert H Humphrey

People judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold, but so has a hard-boiled egg. - Unknown

No oppression is so heavy or lasting as that which is inflicted by the perversion and exorbitance of legal authority. - Joseph Addison

Written laws are like spider's webs; they will catch the weak and poor, but would be torn in pieces by the rich and powerful. - Anacharsis

Lawyers are like cheeses. There are lots of good ones, but not everybody likes the taste of some or can afford the best of others. - Robin Ellison

A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people. - John F Kennedy

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

Musical innovation is full of danger to the State, for when modes of music change, the fundamental laws of the State always change with them. - Plato

Lawyers are doubters, skeptics; not in a bad sense. But they never know any thing absolutely and utterly without qualifications or modifications. - G N Tillman


see also   Heaven  &  Lawyer  Sections
Day of Light and Darkness
TieTanic
Titanic Size
Titanic’s Non-Romantic Scene
Titanic Trailer

An Old Man’s Dying Request
Ancient Greek Law
Atheist Holiday
Attending To Business
Cataract Surgery Lawsuit
Clever Lawyer
Crazy Laws
Cure for Child Abuse
Difference Between a Convict and a Lawyer
Distasteful Lawyer
Do Not Read Law
Generous Judge’s Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer
Good Lawyer
Honest Lawyer
Hot Coffee
Is This Legal?
Joyous Lawyers
Justice Is Blind
Laws Of Golf
Lawyer Expands Practice
Lawyer Priorities
Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Legal Assistance For All
Legal Exhibit
Legal Grounds
Memorial Service for Ed Schellenberg
Negotiating Lawyers
Negotiations Texas Style
Nepal Lawyer
No Fee Chinese Detective
Old Divorce
On The Loose
Pulled You Over
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife
Speeding Back To School
Texas Three-Kick Rule
Woman Argument

 

Perception

Jeopardy Measuring Cup

All We Have To Do Is Stand Up

Vacuum Extender

BrownEes

Chinese Puzzle Car

Always Give 100% At Work

Ancient Politician

My Toaster Is Broken

Shining Stars

Tunnel Face

The Bugs Are Bad This Year

Dog Spa

Ostrich Imprint

Local Crabs

World's First Hard Hat

Bird Melons

Bag Hang-Up

LippoPotumus

Haircut For Staff Meetings
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

28-Jun-2022