Taking Too Many Seats

How to remove an uncooperative old man at a concert

An elderly man lay sprawled across three entire seats at a concert. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man didn’t budge.

The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just muttered and did nothing.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The responding officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where you from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With a terrible strain in his voice, and without moving, Fred replied, “The balcony...”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

In rock music terms I'm like a dinosaur. - Belinda Carlisle

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

Making music should not be left to the professionals. - Michelle Shocked

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Classical music is music written by famous dead foreigners. - Arlene Heath

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to no one. - Duke Ellington

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

The power of music feels like taking a a nice brake from this busy world. - Millie DeWitt

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Each soul is tuned to a different pitch. Music is about harmonizing the soul. - Wu-Tang Clan

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert, to fleece the people. - Abraham Lincoln

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. - Groucho Marx

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler


see also   Aging,  Music,  Police  &  Stress  Sections
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17-Nov-2019